Welcome to Menopause…

I am irritable, yet, I don’t feel like picking on others anymore.  What in the world could be wrong with me?  Usually, when I feel like this, I have lots of things to cheer me up.  People with herpes, Wal Mart fat asses, dorky B movie celebrities –  all of these pathetic people (who have more problems than I ever will) usually cheer me up in a New York Minute.

But, not anymore.  Now, when I see a giant woman in stretch pants, I want to cry.  Herpes no longer brings a chuckle, it makes me MAD!  Dorky B Movie celebrities make me want to wave a white flag and yell, “I surrender!” (OK, bad example, they have always elicited this response from me)…. But most of you will know what I mean.  Most of you women, anyway.

It’s simple…I am getting closer to entering the land of the female moustache, the universe of the stomach that is getting impossible to lose, the (EGADS!) city of surprise chin hairs!  Yes, I am speaking of menopause.

For those of you men, who will never know what it is like being female, will never have to go  through MENOPAUSE, and has yet to come up against a woman in the throes of it,  let me give you a visual example…

If one day, you come home from work, and your sweet little woman is standing at the door with shave nicks on her chin, a butcher knife in her hands, murder in her eyes, holding an “ABS of STEEL” DVD, and muttering “I don’t KNOW what’s wrong with me today”,  you’ve just met MENOPAUSE…

RUN as fast as you can….!