STD card from a female perspective (for the freaks)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I thought this quite elegant- from the beautiful crafted prose, to the script it is written in – amid a field of cheerful daisies under blue skies. (PS  Remember to click on the picture if you can’t read the words of this one..).

Don’t just “guess” if it’s safe to have sex. Ask Holly!

If you have a Face book account and send “crap gifts” to your friends (the ONLY reason to join, in my book anyway) … then you’ve seen this cute little toy! This is a stuffed “herpes doll”. herpes_1 

            realherp
    It’s supposedly a replica of this.  Which is supposed to be a real live herpe under a microscope, but it looks more like an old piece of Chef Boyardee ravioli to me..  I don’t know WHAT they’re planning to do with this herpe doll, but whatever it is, it hasn’t been done fast enough for me.  So I did something about it.    

Remember those “mood rings”?
  
 
For those of you too young to revel in the glamour of the mood ring – it went like this: You were sold a cheap band of colored glass that was supposed to turn colors according to whatever mood you were in when you put it on your finger.
  
Green meant you were envious or jealous.
Blue meant you were tranquil or peaceful.
Red meant you were anxious or uptight.
Black meant you were NOT in a good mood.  
  
I used to pick out my clothes for school AFTER I put my mood ring on, so I could color coordinate my wardrobe with what mood it thought I should be in that day. For some reason I ended up wearing a lot of black. 
 

moodrings

 
 
 
 
Anyway, here’s my tribute to the mood ring – combined with my new pet cause – Making Fun of Herpes.  The theory behind this new invention is that the Herpified can tote around this cute, cuddly, and oh-so-fashionable stuffed Herpes doll – Holly the Herpometer…(the soft, cuddly herpes thermometer you can HUG…) and based on it’s tell tale color change, it will either be safe to get down or a warning to the other party to GET OUT!
  
Hereeeeeeees Holly!
“YOU HAVE A DATE AND YOU WANT SEX! BUT DAMN! You went and caught herpes, in spite of all your girlfriends warnings to STAY AWAY from guys who live in the park!”
 
BUT DON’T BE BUGGIN!  YOU may have herpes but you also have HOLLY THE HERPOMETER (the soft, cuddly herpes thermometer you can HUG!) She’ll let you and your date know if  its “Go Time” or “Hell NO!” Time…
 
  
                hollyhTAKE5                            
  Here’s how an ad would go….

cleancutcouple2

 
 

alone1herp

 
 
 

Let me know if you think this would sell!

Jealous Writer Deletes My Article from Gold Bamboo.com Magazine

NOTE: It occurred to me as some people are STILL reading this post that I naturally assumed that everyone seeing this knows what the HELL this post is based on.  Here’s a short up to date:

I wrote a joke post – “Herpes Hotties” – a few weeks before this one.  It was a satire on STD dating sites that are springing up EVERYWHERE on the internet. I totally SPOOFED on it.  A week after that post was written, I noticed that a couple of “spammers” who advertised Silver Colloidal Cream had “picked up” (or webcrawled automatically etc) my post on Herpes Hotties and ADDED it to their spam website under “Other Related Blogs” to the serious medical condition of HERPES.  I couldn’t resist writing follow up posts.  THIS post is based on ANOTHER spam publication that added it one day, MUST have seen what they had done, and REMOVED it the next day so as not to get fired or whatever from their job.

 

 

 

 The latest prestigious publication eager to link my work to their name

Deleted from THIS worldly acclaimed publication! THE NERVE of them!

 

 

Today as I went to update  readers on yet more homage I’d been paid for in my work on Herpes Hotties, I noticed a  horrible scandal had occurred!  My fine research piece had been DELETED from the newest medical publication to solicit my often-misunderstood findings on this under-rated STD.   All I can say is he must have been a REALLY SORE LOSER indeed, to stoop to the lowest of levels.  I think I’ll hunt down a public profile picture of this scoundral, edit it, and send it all over the internet.  Thus he will forever be known as the ”  boobs on a hairy naked man wearing rainbow socks!! ” guy.

But first I had to get my article re-published on Gold Bamboo.com:

It was simple:

I just copied a list of REAL herpes resource centers and publications.

Then manually added myself to their list – under TWO different listings.

 

OBSERVE…

 

Where can I get more information?

National Herpes Resource Center and Hotline
American Social Health Association
P.O. Box 13827
Research Triangle Park, NC 27709-9940
919-361-8488 (9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday through Friday)
http://www.ashastd.org/hrc/index.html

National STD and AIDS Hotline
1-800-227-8922 or 1-800-342-2437 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week)

National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases
31 Center Drive, MSC 2520
Bethesda, MD 20892-2520
http://www.niaid.nih.gov

SORE High with Herpes – Institute for the Spreading of Happiness and Other Gooey Stuff
5451 Itchcrotch River Road
Sacramento Ca 95441
1-800-338-7659

http://pustularlesions.gov

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
1600 Clifton Road
Atlanta, GA 30333
1-888-232-3228
http://www.cdc.gov

 

Resources

http://www.goldbamboo.com/
http://www.goldbamboo.com/

 

 

 

 

Now all I have to do is re-post this to my blog and wait for Google to find it and re-run it…  Problem solved!  (Damn I’m smart!)

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Be a Herpes Hottie or Date One…

DISCLAIMER AND WARNING TO PEOPLE WHO ARE OFFENDED BY CRUDE HUMOR –THIS IS  A HUMOR BLOG -Although some may find this post in bad taste, and they definitely have a right to their opinion; other’s find humor like this perfectly acceptable  to their warped minds and this post is written for especially for them (and myself, of course). 
 If you think that there is any chance you will be offended, do all of us a favor and STOP READING RIGHT NOW AND LEAVE THIS SITE IMMEDIATELY.  I am sure there is a Jerry Falwell website somewhere in cyberland where “Why Most People Today Are HellBound” is being re-posted with sinners like moi in mind.  You are welcome to bitch and complain about my writing all you want, as long as it’s somewhere else.  

On the other hand, if I have inadvertently used a picture that belongs soley to you, please let me know and I will be  happy to remove it.  To everyone else with a sense of humor who chooses to stay and keep reading – welcome to another post of debauchery.

Too Late Too Call on Our Lord and Savior...
Too Late Too Call on Our Lord and Savior…

 

DID YOU JUST FIND OUT YOU HAVE HERPES?

 

Sorry, Jesus has left the building on this one.  Guess you should have thought things through a little more carefully before last weekend’s Village People Orgy got out of hand!   But don’t worry.  I think I may have found your solution! 

Did you know that there are a bunch of people out in cyberland who not only don’t care if you have herpes, but actually prefer that you have herpes?!  That’s right.  Suddenly having this STD makes you super sexy and in demand for some hot and sweaty penicillin-infused Nights!   Finding this hard to believe?  Well, I did too, but just take a look at what’s out there for YOU NOW!!  You’ll be POSITIVELY estatic!!!

Look at all these POSITIVE single people!

Look at all these POSITIVE single people!

Don’t be alarmed if the the picture looks a little blurry to you; herpes can do that to your eyesight sometimes.  Just relax, take a look at the happy faces of these herped-over men and women, and see for yourself if what I’m trying to sell you doesn’t merit a closer look!
 
Why is this woman so happy?

Hey Girl..I just got some great news from my doctor..Yep, I'm POSITIVE...

Hey Girl..I just got some great news from my doctor..Yep, I'm POSITIVE...

This woman is happy because NOW she can officially join sites like Positive Singles Dating Site and Clinic!  The only dating site where it’s more than OK that you’re  POSITIVE because we POSITIVELY LOVE HERPES!  Just look at all the infected couples in love!

John and Marge Marshall - Happily married with dual-herpes for one year!

John and Marge Marshall - Happily married with dual-herpes for one year!

John and Marge Marshall met the first week that both of them had signed up for membership.  John had been infected with herpes from a guy-guy “experiment gone wrong in college” and  had trouble holding on to relationships, while poor Marge had found out the hard way only a week before he left her  broke and itchy,  that her husband liked crack-addicted hookers.  Well it was love at first sight when Positive Singles hooked these two up, and they’ve been publically breaking out into song, dance, and sores together, ever since.  Still not convinced?  Read on…

Total Years Infected Between Them 8, Dating for 2 Years and STILL IN LOVE!

Total Years Infected Between Them 8, Dating for 2 Years and STILL IN LOVE!

These lovebirds are obviously very into each other…and each other’s herpes!

This couple too!

Mark and Tina Mason are planning to go on their first Herpes Cruise To The Bahamas In August!

And This Couple!

Ron and Gloria Chu are planning to be wed next spring..At Positive Single's New York based Clinic!!

We hope you’ll give us a call and sign up for membership! 

There’s a special infected someone (or several if you’re the kind that likes variety) waiting just for you!

Smile and Say CHEEEEESY....

Smile and Say CHEEEEESY....

Donna, Rhonda, Rick, Casi and Steve say, “Come join us!” ” We’re adding new members daily and just like our sores, our membership is spreading out of control!”

Join Positive Singles Dating Site and Clinics and start spreading your love today!

 

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