facebook farm town presents: BoCefus the idiot farmer in “A growing misunderstanding with the Law”

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Poor BoCefus.  Not only is the DEA still on his ass over whatever that shit was that  his “cook” Dyna was whippin’ up and selling at the Farm Town Farmer’s Market,  but now he’s really gone to SEED.  See, after the “cooking” incident with Dyna, BoCefus thought he’d just stick to planting and growing his own edibles in the ground – live off his land – to HELL with hiring another cook.  And besides, he LOVES growin’ things.  The problem is he doesn’t have much experience or many “farm” skills.   But someone believed in him enough to give him this nifty facebook Farm Town farm – so he figured he could learn it just like everyone else in Farm Town.  How hard could it be?

Anyway, while he’s waiting for Growing Farm Vegetables for Dummies to come out in paper back,  he’s meets this really cool hippy fella rambling past his farm house one day.   Turns out the guy sells “potted plants” for a living and asks BoCefus if he’d like to buy a couple of “pounds” of his potted plants.  Well, who the HELL doesn’t like potted plants?  After the nice hippy fella assures him that the plants do indeed have colored “flowers”, BoCefus decides to throw caution to the wind and order 400 of them for his farm.

The fella doesn’t have the potted plants on him at the time but tells BoCefus that “Little Hector” will be delivering them to him today at 5 pm.  So after waiting all day for the hippy fella to call him before 5 pm, BoCefus finally gets a message from the fella to meet him in the alley where the Farm Town freeway intersects with the outskirts of Whore Town proper.  BoCefus has never seen anything like the flowers the hippy fells has brought him.  They’re purple, green and brownish and they’re kinda sticky.  They don’t smell too good at first, kinda like a skunk smells after you pop it’s stink sack running it over with your car. But after awhile, surprisingly enough, BoCefus starts feeling light hearted and reflective about his life, and is suddenly cool with  hauling the 400 sticky an heavy “potted plants” home in a plastic Hefty sack.

All that night until the stupid rooster starts in with his screeching, BoCefus carefully arranges the “potted plants” throughout his garden rows.  They look really pretty and somehow just looking at them makes BoCefus kinda hungry…and sleepy at the same time.

That was two days ago – now the god damn Keystone cops are banging at his door again this morning  – this time yelling about his new sticky flowers which are, SURPRISE! illegal, just like Dyna’s Lemon METHerengue pie he tried to gag down last week, with no success.  What the hell? He’s never heard such shit about shit before in his life.

God damn, he better answer the door before they  break it down.  All over a bunch of sticky flowers…Geez…

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Face Book Part II: Farm Town – A Hoe Lot More Than Meets the Eye…

 

 

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My eyes need a break.   

 In the past 3 weeks I’ve seen pictures of women with so much fat attached to their bodies, I swear I thought one poor gal had a monsterous fetus growing out of her ass but didn’t know it cause she looked so retardedly happy! 

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I’ve seen mutatations I hope to never see again like this guy- the actor in Boogie Nights…Only I swear when I last saw him he was sprouting moobs and wearing rainbow socks.  I haven’t been able to look his picture in the eye since..

See how the shirt hides his MOOBS? (Man Boobs)

See how the shirt hides his MOOBS? (Man Boobs)

 

 

 

 

  

  

I’ve visually witnessed the haunting spector of  smackable freaky troll dolls in still life, with bulbous plastic troll bodies attached together where bulbous plastic troll bodies should never be attached.
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(NOTE: That picture was so disturbing I couldn’t bear to insert it into this post…this one is ugly enough and you get the drift…)

  

  

But yet one more moronic assault was still waiting to flood my corneas with visual and undeniable proof that the majority of  people walking the earth today are truly Sheeple, courtesy of who else?  FaceBook once again.  I don’t think I can take much more of their moronic wastes of my time. 

It’s not enough for the sadistic minds who thought up the endless smilies, tittie twisters, food flinging and tinkerbells. They don’t care that I’ve already cut my nights sleep to 3 hours of napping in between attempts  to fling that tinkerbell shit and the like back to the senders as fast as I receive each one.  All so I don’t piss off  those thoughtful “friends” who for some reason thought an eviction and bankruptcy wasn’t enough on my plate – I needed smilies of every hue and emotion and the odd tittie twister tinkerbell to officially set my suicidal ideations into motion. But I guess that’s not good enough for the mental cases at Face Book.

That having been said, let’s all  give a big Dinner Bell Come-AND-Get-It  shoutout to FARM TOWN.   Yes, F-A-R-M Town.

 

Anyone for a HO down?

Farm Town - just one big happy HO down!

 

Like we don’t all have more than enough real shit to keep us unbalanced and overwhelmed these days – now we’re being given the added annoyance of having to till an animated corn field.

 But for those of  you in the “I don’t” know – it works like this:

You start out by getting an email from FaceBook informing you that you have been “given” a farm in Farm Town. No strings attached you think. Unlike the other Face Book applications this one at first appears to be some kind of reward from FaceBook for all those tiring smilies and their equally irritating counterparts “Happy Gay Smurfs with weiners”.

Then “kind-hearted” friends from your list (new farm recipients just like you!)  start sending out invites  for you to be their neighbor at Farm Town.  Since accepting, or appearing to accept as in my case, only requires one click – no mess, no spill, no smiley – I lied and accepted every request.  I figured no one could ever fault me for not showing up with my cartoon U HAUL full of cartoon goods to a cartoon farm no one ever gave me the address to, right?  So how can I be expected to be there for my neighbors  when I have no idea whatsoever what planet this supposed farm is even located on?

But the storm after the calm starts just like everything “fun”  at FaceBook,  and everyone starts receiving emails from the new Farmers on their lists like: “Welcome to Farm Town  – SUSIE sent you this apple tree for your farm, won’t you help her with HER farm and send a return gift?”   Same annoying shit, different application.    

 
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And everyone’s into it. Not just the morons with a 3rd grade education who wear stretch pants, have rotting teeth and truly believe they’re participating in a reality show with real people via their computer – although there are plenty of those characters.  But also hooked on this game are people who are supposed to be smarter and know better than everyone else. 

People like this “White Collar Better Than Thou” advertising executive who’s been telling us all for years how much smarter and better he is than the rest of us.  

Just look at him now –   another  modern day Old McDonald tilling a cyber-farm with invisible vegetables and goats, courtesy of  Facebook.  The “Farmer” at his Dell…

Hey Mr. Briefcase! Don't you have foreign clients to bilk somewhere?
Hey Mr. Briefcase! Close out of FaceBook!Don’t you have  foreign clients with money somewhere that you should be bilking? 

 

 

 

 

 

So now I’m now getting bombarded with 100 requests a day to accept animals and plants I’m way too irresponsible to take care of in life yet I’m somehow trusted by my 192 friends not to neglect on a cartoon farm that may not even exist.     A farm whose address and location I’ve never been given may I remind you once again. 

So I wouldn’t be able to go there and make sure my plants and animals were taken care of, even if I wanted to.  I guess I could put out a general message to all my farming buddies on my list, and ask if anyone on FaceBook  knows how to get to our farms. But I got to be honest.  I really don’t give a shit what becomes of Bossy the cyber-cow and I have no desire to MapQuest how to find her. Besides, judging from the tone of all FaceBook Farm Town emails I’ve been receiving lately, it appears that most of the people on my friends list have been taking turns showing up at the crack of dawn and working hard every day, tending my farm and caring for my plants and  animals – so it sounds like they’ve already got it covered and I really don’t need to be there.

I eventually hope to unload this cyber-pain farm on some poor sucker for a cheap price in the near future.  Right now I figured I’d start with taking care of  the current crop of plants and animals I’ve been receiving  from other FaceBook farmers. I’m trying to figure out a way to bounce them all back to the original  senders under the guise of gifts they asked for in return from me, without them catching on. They might notice if I’m not careful.  

Maybe I’ll try to photoshop one of the many sheep I’ve received to look sort of like the dairy cow Farmer Mandy asked me for and see if she notices.  Or I could maybe regift each item to a different sender. 

I don’t know if any of these ideas will work.  I mean these other farmers are neighbors in Farm Town.  And neighbors tend to gossip with each other, and compare notes about things – especially when they’re tired from hanging the laundry, feeding the livestock and tilling the farms of absent lazy people.  

 

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