The 80’s Pseudo-Chick: He Was Almost a Woman to Me….

Did he just ask to borrow my lipstick?

Did he just ask to borrow my lipstick?








Definition of  psuedo-chick (SUE- DOUGH- CHIK):  A male of the human species with a face as fair as any maiden if not more so.  Full lips are also a common feature amongst this species. Can be identified by the hair which is always long and  silky, and can be either straight or curly, and comes in many colors. Long tresses grown to almost buttock-length on this species makes him especially attractive to the actual female of the species.  A brilliantly decked-out  pseudo-chick in full plummage has been known to fool more than a few of the  common garden- variety males of the human species, who in his belching,  beer-drinking confusion has at times mistaken this creature for the regular human female and made advances,  with disasterous results.  Prevention merely consists of  being aware of the physical differences between the psuedo-chick and the real female of the species.  It is as follows:  The physiological make up of the psuedo-chick is the LACK of a COOTCH but the POSSESSION of a DICK.  The physiological make up of the actual female of the species is the EXACT opposite.


A pretty face and long flowing hair turns all the girl’s heads…


Although I’m aware that the lust for long-haired pretty-boys has always been around,  and wasn’t just a silly 80’s thing like all the snobs born after our golden decade would have you believe, I am going to be using our sexy little rocker boy of that era as my example. 

First though, I’m going to make a confession to you guys out there that you probably would’ve more than appreciated 30 years ago – in fact I know some of you who for over a decade, begged your wives or girlfriends to please, JUST SAY IT!   But you know us girls – we only seem to offer long after you’ve stopped wanting. (It almost seems as if we do it on purpose….)

OK, it’s true.  The majority of us women are or have been bi-curious about the girl- on- girl thing at one time or another in our lives.  Whether we admit it or not.  But before you get your footballs in a tight whitey bunch and start drooling over your Fantasy 5 picks of  your wive’s girl friends – Know this Robert, Brian, Steve, whoever.   The majority of us will never EVER  go as far as being TRY-curious.   That’s one boundary a lot of us just aren’t willing to cross.    Sorry to deflate your boxer tents boys.  

However…in the 80’s there was one way for us gals to experience ALMOST crossing that line.  We semi-fulfilled our bi-curiosity with “pseudo-chicks”. 

Behold in all his spandexed glory – The Glam Rocker …

glamrocker guys





and his mini-me – The “I Dress Like I’m a Glam Rocker” rocker…



    Who cares that he’s really playing with himself on Friday nights, instead of  Van Halen like he said?  She..I mean HE is so pretty!




Back then  most of us girls didn’t have the means, the breasts,  or the money to spend to fly to LA in order to go back stage and blow a famous band, so most of us ended up with the knock off version, who played air guitar and borrowed our Chemin De Feurs.  And if you  happened to be taller than your GUYRL, no problem!  He would wear those Chemin De Feurs hi-water fashion and proudly!  Yes, he had a lot to offer us back then in fufilling our fantasies of bi-sexuality.  He marked us with his MAGIK!

He, and the others of his kind, also gave half the girls I went to school with crabs…and knocked at least three of them up – seduced as they were by his romantic gesture of air-guitaring their favorite Poison song…

But this is what a lot of us women did to experiment with other “women”  so to speak.  I mean, we got the full lips to kiss, the long flowing hair to run our fingers through and also the feminine vanity traits like hissy fits when his hair didn’t turn out “just right”.  (Sorry guys, now we know what we put you through on a daily basis)

But the smell of this creature was always new leather and Adonis cologne;  he had soft skin PLUS a muscled body,  and NO BEER BELLY.  This best of both worlds so to speak.   All THIS without the accompanying stigma of “playing for the home team.”

Well, I’ve decided as far as the physical goes I LIKE mine with that extra appendage.  But thanks Glams and Wanna-be glams for your participation into a girl’s slide into the semi-bi world.  Sometimes  you were prettier, had better hair and nicer skin then we did, and at times you stole our clothes…but you also stole our hearts back then!  ROCK ON WAYNE!