I have a belly-flattening exercise for you

fatbelly

One that doesn’t require you to lay supine on your back and try, in vain, to connect your hoohaa to your lower jaw by limping through a series of stupid “crunches”. AND, my exercise is so much more effective, AND you can do it anywhere…

It’s called VOMITING.

That’s right. PUKING. The ultimate stomach flattening exercise. Its so easy to begin too! Just contract the stomach flu from an annoying child. OR, better yet, eat a lot of vegetables and then get shit-faced on cheap whiskey. Not only will you see faster results as far as beginning and completing the exercise, but by being drunk you won’t remember how many repetitions your stomach made you do before you were finally allowed to pass out!

As far as results go, if you follow my instructions on a daily basis, for about a week, you are sure to see a tighter, more toned stomach in no time!

A word of warning: Remember I told you that “vomit-toning” can be done anywhere? Well, you may soon find out that it is not YOU controlling WHERE the exercise begins and ends. So, before executing this routine, make sure you are in an environment where you can freely “work out” – and not somewhere like Sears, where people just don’t get “staying in shape” by whiskey…

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Static
    Oct 21, 2013 @ 16:27:36

    Hahahaha…omg. This is too funny. I just saw anm email notification for this and couldn’t help but click through. Boy am I glad I did, because I wouldn’t know how to trim my belly. Thanks, Lisa! Thanks to your program I can have six-pack abs too!! 😀

    Reply

  2. surveygirl46
    Oct 21, 2013 @ 23:41:31

    Glad you liked it Static! I have yet to try it at any public establishment, but it is my guess that people “work out” like this in places like Wal*Mart on a daily basis

    Reply

    • Static
      Oct 22, 2013 @ 00:21:16

      I think Wal-Mart is the antithesis of “working out”. That’s the place people go to get fat. What you are describing is a practice that is more trendy and common at places like Macy’s, or at higher end retail establishments where those people are more concerned about their appearances. I can see some bony-assed young prissy debutante (or middle-aged wannabe debutante still pining away over her forgotten youth) puking in her purse after having a salad at some expensive upscale restaurant that has a mostly vegetarian menu, and everyone who eats there has a fake tan, shops at Tiffany’s and owns a Mercedes-Benz. People at Wal-Mart rarely, if ever, give a damn about how they look. 🙂

      Reply

  3. surveygirl46
    Oct 22, 2013 @ 00:27:48

    YES…BUT….they do puke there….(usually in the aisle where the stretch pants are displayed)

    Reply

    • Static
      Oct 22, 2013 @ 11:37:17

      That’s because they loaded up on the Fluff and Nutella on a handful of Hershey’s chocolate bars without paying for them first. The combination makes anybody puke in the clothing section. Besides at Wal-Mart they have a Subway restaurant if they really want to watch their weight. Hey, that Subway Guy -Jared Fogle- lost HUNDREDS of pounds eatin’ at Subway, y’all! If’n he can do it, I can do it!

      Reply

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