Worn out Shoe Strings

This picture is ALMOST the spitting image of  HER – the bag lady we call Shoe Strings. The reason I say almost, is because when my computer crashed I lost my photo imaging program that I was getting really good at in photochopping normal pictures into what I wanted to show you – however,  now I have a newfangled one with all the doodads and I’m frigging lost. Oh well,  just use your imagination…

Back to Shoe Strings. When you look at this picture just imagine her squatter, blacker, bent over like a paranthesis. Grumbling as she skitters, always with  an “up yours” attitude as she slowly wheels her cart to  your front porch. A cart that is filled with either A. the flashlight that went missing from your garage last week, B. The neighbor’s weed wacker that you asked to borrow a couple of days ago – and you didn’t believe him when he said he couldn’t find it, you thought he just didn’t want to loan it to you, or C: Some type of confused rodent she’s trying to pull off as a prize cat at a bargain price. And she comes by EVERY night. ….Ever since you  gave her a dollar and a ride to the Quik Mart, well… you’re her golden goose.

The story of Shoe Strings has been going on since back in September, when Todd saw something in the window at 3 a.m. and went to investigate. What he saw was a pair of “shoe strings” hanging down from the window at crotch level.  It was crotch level because whatever arthritis Shoe Strings has causes her to stay bent at an angle – and our front window is just perfect for her to look into, and scare the bejesus out of whoever’s at the computer.  Her name is Shoe Strings because the first thing we ever laid eyes on was two dirty shoe strings in the window – that of course, turned out to be two dirty hoody strings dangling from her sweat jacket.  But hell, Shoe Strings stuck. My nickname of course – besides, it sounds so much better than “hoody strings”.

Anyway, Shoe Strings has kind of adopted us as her “benefactors” – and I will say she is quite the character. Sometimes, when I’m done researching, writing, and getting my SEO articles back under the deadline, and I can relax, I find her show up visits down right entertaining. But other times – like when I’m going over a bill that shows my car insurance is doubled, or I’m in the middle of trying to figure out just how the hell a 650 square foot apartment can elicit a PG&E bill of $240.oo per month – and she comes knocking on the window, calling “Hey DAD!” (That’s what she calls Todd), those times I don’t feel quite so kindly towards her – and I’ll tell you why.

Shoe Strings is a hustler. She doesn’t give up till she gets what she wants. And, God Love her – I know in her own “streetwise” way she considers Todd and I friends – and vice versa – but we ALL know that when Shoe Strings comes by, she’s not going to be leaving until she’s either sold us something we thought we got rid of at a garage sale the week before,  she’s weaseled us out of our last dollar OR, she talks Todd into taking her somewhere by car.  And just to make sure that WE know she’s marked us as her territory, she leaves one of her two stolen Rite Aide shopping carts on our porch like a calling card, so she has an excuse to return with more things we don’t need.

Now, I love Todd with all my heart. There’s pretty much nothing I  wouldn’t do for him, except for THIS. Todd brought the saga of Shoe Strings upon us all by himself. ALL BY HIMSELF. One night, he was feeling good, was in a great mood, and HE OPENED THE DOOR AND welcomed Shoe Strings into our lives by paying her an unheard of hustler dream street price of  $15 for a stolen lawnmower – and our fate was sealed. Our fate was sealed that night he invited her into our driveway – let her invade our privacy.  Now she’s here forever, or at least for as long as we live here. That having been said – every night as I hear the creak of that stolen cart’s wheel slipping over the potholes in our street, I look at Todd pointedly, and start packing up my things.

This is the one time it doesn’t work on my heart when Todd starts feeling sorry for himself…Too bad!   Or, when he bats those incredibly long lashes and looks at me like, “Aren’t you going to fix this, Honey?”  No. I’m. Not.  So, I smile, grab my wine,  and my smokes – do a Mission Impossible tumble slide past the window if need be so I remain undetected by her eagle eye.. and say out loud – NOPE!  Whoever smelt it dealt it! Have fun.

Even though I love him, this is ALL him. He did it to himself. He finally got enough Shoe String to hang himself with.


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thinkinfyou
    Jun 21, 2010 @ 14:32:58

    OH, I’m so glad this is happening to Todd and not me. Hasn’t he ever heard that you don’t “feed” strays?


  2. The Snee
    Jun 21, 2010 @ 17:30:09

    This post made me laugh! Shoe Strings looks like a bag lady on steroids..she must be unbelievably strong! Thanks for the giggle.


    • surveygirl46
      Jun 21, 2010 @ 18:25:33

      I was going to save this for the next post about her, but I can’t resist – a week ago, she showed up dressed like Meadowlark Lemon from the Globetrotters – only that wasn’t her intent. I asked her what she would be coming as the next night – a fairy princess with “wings” and a wand? lol


  3. The Snee
    Jun 24, 2010 @ 02:08:39

    What a character! I can’t decide if I would like her in my window or not…the entertainment might be worth it.


    • surveygirl46
      Jun 24, 2010 @ 07:32:14

      Trust me, the “looking in the window” charm-thing, burns out pretty quickly – although, I’m starting to feel guilty, as she hasn’t been around in a few days, I hope she’s OK – Hey! Maybe the Globetrotters picked her up as a fill in….


  4. Static
    Jun 24, 2010 @ 05:15:46

    Yes. Do it! Hang them both with a shoe string, blame it on a confused rodent, and then move to Canada. redrum REDRUM!


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