Wow WHAT a catch! Does he have a brother? ….


More and more people seem to be ending up on the sharp end of my weinie roasting stick these days. It must be all the bullshit I’m no longer willing to put up with now that I’m quite aware that every birthday brings me one year closer to death. Who has time for the needless crap anymore?

This time it’s on a more personal level. This didn’t happen to me, but to a friend of mine – on an internet dating site last night – so yes, it was personal.

She happened to be over at our house, using our computer to check in with her dating account – and ran into a real jackass.

It went down like this:

While chatting up some guy for an hour or two, my friend gets an “alert” that someone is interested in her so she puts the other guy on hold while she checks out the new offering.

Once she clicks on his handle (Ray9 – guess his name is RAY – 9 must stand for his maturity level) she sees he has one of those blank gray avatars they assign to someone when they don’t have a picture up yet. And the following conversation is typed beween them:

My friend: (Types) I like your pic! (with a smiley face at her own joke – cuz there’s NO PIC, right?)

Ray50(we found out his age – he doesn’t wear it well): Well, I don’t like your picture.

My friend: (Rightly offended at his attitude towards her harmless joke) Why don’t you stick it up your ass?

She takes a break at this time to call me over to see this in person. Then she clicks on his profile again and starts laughing. “Short man syndrome Lisa, he’s only 5′ 3”, he’s self-employed, he’s a few pounds over weight. Either way, I tell her, he’s a 5 ft pile of infected shit (I’m not giving him that extra inch(ish), no way)

So a few minutes later she gets another email on her dating site, and doesn’t want to open it. So I ask her if I can read it instead? Sure. And I read it aloud.

Ray50: Why don’t you do the same girly? I can tell by your picture what an unhappy gal you are. Worn out looking and useless, in fact the only thing of beauty in that picture is that poor old dog you’re hanging all over.

As she starts to type him the redundent “stick up your ass” routine email again, I stop her. “Allow me”, I say.

ME: Dear Little RAY of sunshine:

I have no idea where all this anger is coming from but I can tell you that it has been misdirected towards me. I was only making a small joke at your lack of picture. Did’nt anyone ever tell you that humor is a very good thing for the man who possesses nothing else in the way of attracting a female? Obviously you missed that lesson in the charm school you went to.

As far as my picture goes – you don’t like it? Fine, not everyone likes everyone – not a problem. But your angry attitude tells me that you often miss the boat with the ladies here on BootyCall. I think you should resign at once and become a member of

Maybe you’d have better luck there fucking the ladies with your asshole attitude before attempting to fuck them with that pathetic little gherkin between your legs that’s so obviously the thing that’s made you so very pleasant to the rest of the world.

Have a nice day.

Oh PS – Sorry, There WAS a picture of you in that avatar, after all. I guess your being so short makes it as hard for me to make out your tiny little face in a picture as it must be for your date when she’s trying to find your tiny little penis. My bad.

Where's my DICK?

For some reason, we didn’t hear from him after that. (I hope he sees this)


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. TJ Lubrano
    Mar 03, 2010 @ 13:00:53

    OMG! what an asshole! But I LOVE your reply to him! Serves him right! It’s so easy to bring someone down in the virtual world, mainly because he is sitting safe in his house, behind a screen. But it doesn’t give him the right to that! He’s such a sad pathetic loser -_-‘.

    Hope all is well :D!!

    Ciao Xx


    • surveygirl46
      Mar 03, 2010 @ 13:19:46

      Hi TJ! Thanks for stopping by how are you? And yes, you’re right…what a pathetic loser (im just glad I spelt kerrectkly an haf a weigh wif werds.soes I culd let hym haf it..) LOL


      • TJ Lubrano
        Mar 03, 2010 @ 13:50:04

        Hahahaha! Exactly! Doing pretty good, but tired lately.
        My brains are working overtime…so I don’t sleep a lot ^_^.

        You know, people should hire you when they have a annoying dude/dudette who needs to be put in place! You would be very very good! I kid you not!

  2. surveygirl46
    Mar 03, 2010 @ 13:55:21

    Well TJ, let me know who you’d like a stinging letter or card sent to LOL


  3. Woodsterman
    Mar 03, 2010 @ 16:43:07

    Hey Lisa you bitch, that was me …..

    That was fun to write. I hope your girlfriend copies and saves this for the future. You did forget one thing though. You forgot to tell him to get back to making love to his goat.


    • surveygirl46
      Mar 03, 2010 @ 17:27:55

      Somehow I don’t think you pull off “angry nutless wonder” very well, you’re too nice …and (how do i say this? ) you have a wife? There! But anyway, yeah what an asshole – he deserves to smashed on a blog or 4.

      You’re a crack up!


  4. Mr Monkey
    May 03, 2010 @ 14:17:25

    This cracks me up.


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