The spector of Phil continues on…

         

I find I HAVE to revisit a new favorite – the man who was the inspiration behind my photochop creation the SLUGGY    –  Mr.  Phil Spector.          

        

You must have heard of Mr. Spector by now, but I’ll break it down for you anyway.          

Phil  was a talented and quirky record producer – a 1960’s music legend. The originator of the “the wall of sound” production technique and a songwriter, Phil was also responsible for the success of some talented musicians who are still working today.   This quirky genius was also married to  Ronnie Spector, lead singer of the 1960’s girl group,  The Ronettes.  Ronnie was apparently terrified of her husband and stated as much in a book she wrote about her life.             

And it turns out that Phil was to get even “quirkier” over the next few decades, and in 2007 gave in to homicidal urges when he killed an actress in his Malibu home  – for what?  Well I suspect it may have been the crime of  laughing at whatever ridiculous doo he was sporting at the time he was trying to get her in his sheets.   But old Phil told the cops her death was an accident – in fact, he actually stated that the actress “slipped and kissed” the gun she was shot with, while in his bedroom.   So, do I say this to justify my need to photochop and bag on yet another defenseless pyscho?  Well of course I do. Look at  him! He obviously deserves it.     

As you may notice from the above picture  – Phil’s  ‘doos have changed over the years, yet he’s never swerved from looking extremely creepy. Personally, I think he looks a lot like actor Beverly Archer of “Mama’s Family” fame.  Ms. Archer was awesome as skinny, nervous next door neighbor Iola Boylen.  I watched that show faithfully into reruns – it was hysterical for its time!     Here’s a promo of the Mama’s Family crew in the 80’s.  Beverly Archer is the one sitting on the bottom left.  (The gal in the pink gingham dress who looks like she’s seriously regretting her decision to forgoe her usual  “OOPS I crapped my pants” adult briefs in honor of  picture day.  Well hell – who can blame her?  They probably bulked up under her pantyhose and made her dress puff out all unfeminine-like)       

         

Anyway, I really notice a resemblance to Phil Spector in her face.  Especially in this next photo taken at the end of their last season:         

        

          

And just look at this next picture of him with his latest ‘doo – how could ANYONE NOT  be rivited to THAT HAIR?        

           

It looks like he’s either wearing a Dollar Tree bath scrubby on his head or some really hairy woman left her hooha velcroed to his dome during the performance of some unnatural act.    And I do have one more theory regarding Phil and that particular hair “don’t”, but I should stop right now.  To continue writing in detail my thoughts on the mind of Phil S. would only serve to pervert and taint a beloved childhood memory, so familiar to us all.  I really shouldn’t spoil it for the yet unborn.     

But because I’m “inappropriate like that” I’ll do it anyway. Behold…    

Children make a wish and BLOW on the head of dandelion...

  

       Ok, try not to think about that sweet caption you just read when you view this next pictoral portion of my theory about Phil’s hair.  Ready?  Ok.       

Phil has always wanted to be just like a dandelion...!

  

Here is my theory:  Now that old age, decaying brain cells and the psychotic tendencies have come to fruition, Phil is finally taking his dandelion desire public.  I know, I know – innocent kids blowing dandelions was probably a horrible set up.  And I agree, Phil Spector is even grosser than “HEY!” child molester-rocker Gary Glitter for a number of reasons. But anti-taboo blogging is my forte…so how could I not?  And face it – the mere thought of witnessing an evil “dandelion-troll” as he throws eyeball daggers at the world from a courtroom in which he is being tried for murder, well…it’s more than funny to me.          

So, because Phil has done me the solid of making me laugh my ass off with his different ‘doos and his very persona,  I now present to you a photoshop exclusive!  A tribute to Phil and his quest to be a dandelion. And I must warn you – this is serious art and is meant to be sold at an auction and placed upon the wall of the gentry. Behold! An object d’art  – created  with an illegally used photo or two, and my fine chopping abilities applied at just the right time, of course.         

Note that I attempted to paint Phil in a softer, more humane light…       

        

Instead, I’m fairly positive that I’ve created a piece of art so horrific that one  shudders at the mere thought of inheriting it from an elderly relative one day. For starters, where would one hang such a monstrosity? and for what reason would you want to assault the eyes of innocent people who visit your home?  what reason indeed…Hmmm.  I’ve got it!   

My soon- to- be famous immortalization of  Phil/Dandelion could be utilized as the worst punishment a child could imagine.  The portrait would be placed INSIDE the child’s bedroom – in fact, hanging on his bedroom door as recompense for whatever the child has done.  Think of the years you could save having to deal with a spoiled brat.   

You simply force the child to his room and lock him in for the night – with the painting – and let Phil do the rest of the work.  After a night of being glared down at from a crazy human dandelion from hell, a former holy terror is now sincerely remorseful and has changed over night into an angel of helpfulness to his parents!    

The only downside is for the rest of their lives, whenever a dandelion happens to be in their range of vision, all that little Johnny or Suzy will be able to see is that ugly troll with his huge head of wiry brown pubic hair glaring at them satanically in their traumatized minds.     

 That’s so cruel, isn’t it?   But why stop there?   Why not put a permanent stop to the annual “I want…..”  Christmas list whine-fest expense that always hits you painfully in the ass like you’re being buggered for the first time by Rudolph himself.  Go ahead and be creative – ruin Christmas for the ungrateful turds too.  Phil will be happy to help – with a nice christmas rememberance just for the kiddies, like this:        

 (I know it’s lame but there’s something about the bow on the top of his pubes that always makes me smile….)

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. FreakSmack
    Dec 18, 2009 @ 00:15:07

    Did somebody say troll doll porn?

    Reply

  2. surveygirl46
    Dec 18, 2009 @ 05:05:06

    No, but that was the hidden message of the post – give the guy a bag of peanuts…

    Reply

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