Songs you loved and lived to regret when you were “clubbing”…

GO ON! Click PLAY. Leave the song on in the background – it’s an accessory to this post. It doesn’t matter if you love it or hate it – or that it’s not from your generation.  No matter what kind of music you obssessed over back in the day, this tune will guide you into my world, so you RECOGNIZE and RELATE  when you read this post – you’ll remember you’ve BEEN THERE too…

This song rocks! Ok, it actually “discos” but still – it’s a great song. I haven’t listened to it for many years  – until tonite  – but I STILL LOVE this song!  

For those of you close to becoming an official “oops i crapped my pantzer”  in the not-so-distant future,  you remember how it was back in the day before the advent of personal computers and You Tube instant gratification downloads.  Back in the olden days kiddies,  if you wanted to hear a song over and over and over…there were fewer options to choose from. So unless you had a kick- ass cassette tape player in your own  car and no curfew…you had about 3:

1. You could buy the tape or album and drive  your parents crazy with the melodic redundancy of one song –  until your father came unglued and so did your  cassette.

2. You could hope to be able to magically locate the song on the car radio on command which, come on…Who are you, Harry Pothead? Anyway, this procedure was hit and miss at best – and if you did manage to find it out of the blue it was usually during a time you had to leave the car in order to be somewhere on time.  (i believe this was how my lifelong “tardy” problem was created) 

 OR

3. You could take your butt to the local night club on the weekends – where it’s almost scriptural that they play ALL songs at least 20 times each on both Friday and Saturday nights.   

I usually erred on the side of caution and picked the sure-thing  – the club thang. If you think about it –  it really was the most sensible choice of all.   Two birds for the price of one could be slaughtered by  “clubbing” on the weekends.  First off –  I might get lucky again and manage to  meet yet another “really cool guy who turns out to be an idiot stalker – showing up in the middle of the night to throw rocks at the wrong window of the wrong house for  a couple hours before dousing everything around with gas and burning the house  down to the ground in a fit of rage –  because “I ignored his pleas for me to come out and talk to him at 3 a.m. , causing him to do this HORRIBLE thing (Hey STUPID…you’re the asswipe that got the wrong house, remember? ), that he really didn’t want to do!”   And secondly – – I’d be dressed  up and  looking good.  I knew I’d be out on the dance floor ALL NIGHT and with a buzz!  Gettin’ down to the tunes with a hot guy –  especially every time they played my song all weekend.   And Friday night couldn’t come fast enough for this girl… …

By the way…just in case you forgot to click the video…here it is again…

Ok let’s switch gears here and I’m going to take you for a nostalgic ride through Realities Past – (Ladies, most of you will more than likely be able to completely relate to this next part) 

So let’s talk about Friday nights spent going clubbin’.   You’re already there in your mind aren’t you?   Pumped up –  hanging with your girls.  Ready to do some drinking  – will be looking GOOD out there  burning up the dance floor –  gyrating to that SONG you can’t wait to hear. But sometimes Friday nights don’t always go as you had hoped, isn’t that right?   Remember THOSE nights?

There you’d sit – all dressed up, looking totally FLLLLLLLLYYYYYY, slightly buzzed from a 2 hour head start sucking down Jose. Talking SMACK with the Freaks   and the rest of the clowns at the bar.  And you’d heard at least 10 songs that were played twice already – not yours yet. But it’s ok. It’s Friday night! The night’s young.  You’re patient.  You know how it is clubs.  You wait it out. Everyone wants their song played NOW – but you know it’s gonna happen – you’ll hear it when the time’s right.  Just relax and keep drinking. …

All this waiting and drinking is getting you a bit drunker, isn’t it?   The DJ should be getting ready to play  your song pretty soon – it’s getting near midnight. So there you sit….So there you drink…waiting..drinking….Once in a while you mix up the waiting room by dancing with random guys to songs that are OK, but not great like THE song…  It’s hot out on that floor…isn’t it?

Oh hey! Remember that “guy”?  Who you ask?  WHO?  O MY GOD come on girl…That dude you used to call “Jerky Boy”…the ONE NO ONE WANTED TO DANCE WITH????  Yeaaaah…that same sweaty slob with the hands that was hanging around your table earlier…drooling…is he retarded? Oh my God …He was pestering you for like 15 minutes to dance with him…Did you see him when you came out of the bathroom, trying to catch your eye…What is he doing? TRACKING your ass? ugh… He’s probably in the bathroom, plucking his vienna saugsage…fantasizing about you doing the Humpty Hump all over him….eewwwww…. 

You keep drinking…where the HELL is that song?  …it’s 12:30 am…

Sorry to bother you in your reverie, but I almost forgot ….Remember why you and your girls call him “Jerky Boy?”  No not that…too obvious already…No, the other thing..you remember..Every Friday and Saturday night, at THIS club, there he is …performing his sadASS  rendition – SOLO no less –  of that idiotic  “night at the roxbury” move – trying to half-sandwhich every traumatized female stupid enough to try to be  “nice” and give him just ” one” dance  ..you know so he stays the hell off their cases….. Oh My God..what a dweeb.  I can’t believe he’s still doing that same old shit …hasn’t he been coming here like ..for ever?…  But you’re not going down that road though, are you?  When your song’s ON, you’re gonna grab a guy who’s  F-I-N-E fine-enough to be seen with your ass, right? ! 

girl6

But meanwhile back at reality ranch…..

The Humpty Hump’s been humped 56 times – isn’t anyone sick of it YET?  And you’re still waiting for that DAMN song to be played ONCE before 2 a.m… Thank God for booze. Feeling well-past tipsy are we?  Maybe a little blurry ?

Shit, it’s almost 1 a.m….With that one eye that’s still a bit open you see all the fine guys…and shit! most of the random ones too have pulled an Elvis and left the building.  Not good…. OH wel…Wait! what’s that?

Oh My God….They’re finally playing IT!….FINALLY!  Oh Holy CRAP!  There’s No ONE to dance with ….(look around, remember this part?) …except..ughhh…Goober here. Dammnnn… he’s already caught your eye and he’s coming this way.  Oh hell, it’s  just 5 minutes of your life – a small  sacrifice to pay for finally your turn with YOUR SONG!   Just ignore him while you’re out there…pretend he’s not even here…sorta “dance-hop” away from  him gradually…. ….and…Shit, maybe he won’t even notice your gone – he’s so into being such a ….dweeb sandwhich…

Remember those nights? Gotta love em’ girl. So what happens next again?   Something like…

THIS maybe?

Alright! You made it to the floor and your’e gyrating with all you are to the beat of that one song you’ve been obsessing on ALL freakin’ week….and  fighting off this  fucking yo-yo, who’s ruining the experience for you by pulling a daily double – trying to get some “sandwhich time” with the area around your ass …grabbing at it with his sweaty palms… Look at this asshole!…watch as he jerks around like…like some spastic COLON trying to get his moves down…barf…..Jeez is this loser SO pathethic he can’t even find another dweeb willing to play the OTHER half of the sandwich? What a fucking TOOL..

Uh oh…You’re getting tired and you’re sorta drunk, huh?  OK…you can admit it..REALLY DRUNK.. That’s when you feel it.  Something semi- hard but limp too, poking you right in the small of  your back… Fuck!  It’s that freak again, still trying……that’s OK girl…just shimmy away….there you go…now keep moving till you’re right about….THERE!   move a little bit to the left…OK now you can hide behind that fat chick dancing in one place, shaking like jello…and wearing  a OH MY GOD is that a Crop Top she’s squeezed into? But..come on, shit……You’ve never been SO happy to be behind a big behind in your life!  Admit it…No shithead…don’t move…just …stay….right….here…

Look at him.  He’s jerking around like a …jerk…looking everywhere for your “fixins”.   Ooops..better stay still…  Damn…..Is that hot BEER BREATH you feel on the back of your neck?    Crap…he’s right next to you…isn’t he?  Well, no where else to dance off to now.  Just slap his stupid hands away and make sure to keep a space between you..it’ll be fine…God, won’t they hurry it up and finish this God Damn song already?   Shouldn’t it be about over?    Stop bitching…didn’t you dream of this moment all freakin’ week?   Hey look at it this way – now you can say you got to dance – or in your case, STUMBLE – to your song…

OK now….Yep…feels like it’s winding down…Glance at your watch…hmmm…that’s strange – it says it’s 1 a.m. right NOW. HUH? It was 1 a.m. an hour ago wasn’t it?   Yeah, an hour ago if this was still FALL! Forget to set your clock back didn’t you? Whatever.  Just close your eyes…and wait for the song to wind down..come on DJ wind the song down….OK don’t obsess on it just keep…moving with the beat. that’s it…..and keep moving with the beat…and moving.with the beat..and moving with the beat…and ..move…and the beats picking up….WHAT?

OH GOD DAMN!  NO! This is the ONE HOUR extended “club” version of that song you couldn’t live without. …hahahaha…WHAT are the fucking odds of THAT happening tonite?  And you still have 35 minutes to go –  lucky girl.  See? The DJ didn’t forget you after all, did he?   He was just saving a special surprise for you till the end of the night.   Whatever…I swear if that asshole doesn’t stop touching me with his …Oh,  just suck it up girl!  It’s all good, or it could be worse anyway…. Just keep that space between you ….No. Don’t dance off again…not a good idea…why? Well you got a sitch here…If you move any farther left Subway will be at optimum level to access your “toppings” – and if you shimmy RIGHT you’ll be front and center target for that girl who’s just about to puke on everyone within a 5 miles radius. 

SO…

When you finally wake up in your own, THANK GOD, bed 15 hours later with that hangover and pieces of that weird dream you were having about a giant spastic salami in Wal*Mart pants trying to get you, you realize two things.  You’ve lost a serious 5 pounds.  And you never want to hear that fucked up song again…..

 Wasn’t that fun?

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16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. TJ Lubrano
    Nov 10, 2009 @ 14:45:33

    Man! I hate it when that happens! You know, it is seriously the worst way to discover that the song your obsessed about, isn’t that big of a deal…but really! Was it really necessary to go through hell! *sigh* I guess most ‘important’ lessons in life are learned in a harsh and nightmarish kind of way.

    But I love to dance, so I always find another song too obsess about haha!

    Reply

  2. surveygirl46
    Nov 10, 2009 @ 15:40:24

    Yes, but the big nightmare to me was making my way out of the maze of jerks like “jerky boy” LOL; night clubs are best viewed from the tv nowdays.LOL

    Reply

    • TJ Lubrano
      Nov 10, 2009 @ 17:08:22

      Hahahah I see! Yes! They are everywhere! And they are sad stalkers. And it’s funny you always spot them…it doesn’t matter if they try to hide the fact that they are watching you…you always know! Always.

      Really…I heard a dramatic tune again!

      Reply

      • surveygirl46
        Nov 10, 2009 @ 17:27:53

        Im glad you hear MUSIC in your head and not argumentative voices…im glad for the rest of us LOL….Ill go clubbing with you anytime girl…

  3. zytzef
    Nov 10, 2009 @ 16:05:53

    HA HA HA HA HA HA, I think you are mad (in a good way). My 12 friends and me used to go to clubbing on Saturdays, I wish you were one of them, but then I’d be a minor when you were clubbing HA HA HA HA.

    We used to have lot of laughs till our eyes would be teary (if that is a word in English)

    I think i’ll write about that!!

    Reply

    • surveygirl46
      Nov 10, 2009 @ 16:39:58

      You should!! Actually I got the idea for this post when i was surfing YT for songs to play while i thought of things to post LOL…i clicked on Blue Monday and all of a sudden it popped into my head that i used to kill myself dancing with some dweeb that wouldn’t leave me alone and it was always on at the end of the night – to a uncut loooooong version of a song i really didn’t care for as the short version. But i’d be obligated to dance the whole song out – cuz i had dissed the guy all night long. I actually did have 2 guys try to “roxbury” me one time, and i was dancing with someone else – they came up to me, no expressions on their faces and started imitating will farrell and the other guy from that movie – i just laughed at them and bounced away to the beat.. yeah, your mother would have killed me for totiing you along on one of our crazy club nights…LOL

      Reply

  4. FreakSmack
    Nov 10, 2009 @ 22:56:07

    funny, we had the same club music at over a decade apart – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAt9QTmVc7Q – I never did much dancing at the clubs (unless I was there with a girlfriend) I could usually be found in the couch room with a couple vick’s inhalers and all the girls i could find who liked dirty beans.

    Reply

  5. MikeWJ at TooManyMornings
    Nov 10, 2009 @ 23:26:38

    Cassettes? Good God, I can remember rocking out to 8-track tapes!

    Reply

    • surveygirl46
      Nov 11, 2009 @ 00:02:03

      There were 8 tracks in my past TOO however, I can’t officially count them because I didn’t own or have access to a car UNTIL the cassette decade. Hey i forgot to ask, how’s Adam Sandler – been golfing with him yet?

      Reply

  6. surveygirl46
    Nov 10, 2009 @ 23:43:25

    Yeah some techo zombie pop just never goes out of style, does it? I actually like the richer version you sent me – pretty cool – the dad dadadada duh is the only thing left out of yours. I never did much dancing either – according to people who’ve seen me try. And the clubs I frequented a lot more frequently once i was into my mid 20’s were the headbanger clubs – I’ve been one since birth- can’t hide it. The funny thing is, that same guy who’s at every dance club trying to “roxbury” unsuspecting females, shows up at the head banger clubs too. You should see how hysterical a dweeb looks when he’s trying to “roxy” someone to the beat of “enter sandman” master card moment – priceless

    Speaking of cool musical renditions – remember Blind Faith Can’t find my way back home? (wasn’t that you’re “signature” leaving- the- bar- at- 2- am- trying- to- remember- where- you were song?) I love this version

    Reply

  7. FreakSmack
    Nov 11, 2009 @ 01:24:03

    Actually when I used to go to the club the last song of the night was always this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3NQoubs2v4&feature=related And when you would here it start playing if you didn’t have a girl, you better find a party or get ready to go to the an hours club. Now a days at the bar my theme song is this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygDmGWgLO88&feature=related but I’ve settled for less

    Reply

  8. surveygirl46
    Nov 11, 2009 @ 03:44:33

    I thought one was born a pussy and became an asshole over time, but after listening to the closing song at the classiest bar in Del Crappo Heights – I appear to be wrong…

    Reply

  9. thinkinfyou
    Nov 11, 2009 @ 12:58:24

    Yes,yes,yes!! I remember doing that. My song was “Erotic City” by Prince. I LOVED that song. I use to call the radio stations trying to get them to play it…unfortunately it was too dirty to play on the radio :o(

    Reply

    • surveygirl46
      Nov 11, 2009 @ 18:50:47

      You and I are SO on the same comment page, huh….LOL…It was funny when i was re reading this i had the song going in the back ground and i was back at Bombay bicyle club and I could SEE the sweaty roxbury dude hopping around, completely entrenched in his roll of idiot – trying to sandwich any piece of cheese that came into his radar….

      Reply

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