The injustice of fast food lawsuits give me indigestion!

This is Big Mack.


Mack was always kind of slow on the uptake. (In fact, his “diaper years”, until recently, were actually “diaper decades”…). Mac is also getting very fat because he loves that fast food.


Mac loves that fast food so much he eats it three times a day.


Mac can’t keep a job since being at work would cut in on his 2 hour long taco binges. Mac is also developing health problems and weird physical changes from his eating habits.



 Now he’s so fat even Wal*Mart doesn’t carry stretch pants big enough for Mac’s fat ass. So Mac has to wear his mama’s printed “shifts” and finally LOOKS even more stupid than he actually is.


But Mack’s still eating. Pretty soon he’ll be eating into OUR lives. Mack is dangerous to our society and our way of living – not to mention our bank accounts. How you ask? As fat and stupid as Mack is, he has one BIG thing going for him besides his belly. Mac has an attorney to represent him in his lawsuit against the evil he’s suffered at the hands of the satanic fast food chains that have made him the Giant Jello Pop he is today – oh, and threaten to take over the world in Hitler-like fashion. Mack is one of the latest poster children to sue the fast food corporations – Those BASTARDS! – because it’s THEIR fault he’s a fat and flabby mess with eyes who can’t put the McRib DOWN. Mack’s a threat to this society and all we hold dear, and people like Mack are not only merely annoying but they’re dangerous if left to their own devices.


Let me run some reasons down for you.


First of all, Mack and his kind are a threat to national security. Since Mack’s from (where else?) the United States, the “Land of the frivilous lawsuit!”, these publicized circus acts give the rest of the world ways to trickle in and spy on us – Just like President Bush did but with turbans! Yes, we’re already starting to be known as that hick place with “the fat hogs who will sell national secret for  box Twinkies”. And they may be right! What? You don’t think some idiot of Mack’s caliber would actually be GIVEN a job in which the fate of our national security is in his fat hands? Um..just think back over history at some of the shenanigans pulled by past recipents of some of the highest offices in the land.


Here’s another reason – The drain on the taxpayers. People like Mack only become more of what they are with a bit of dough, and he’s got a better than good chance of winning this stupid lawsuit given the state of the world’s legal system today. Because if he wins, he’ll now be able to afford even MORE fast food with his money  – minus the attorney’s fees – Mack will happily proceed to buy and scarf and scarf and buy MEGA fast food 24 hours a day, 7 days a week -as long as he can. And you can bet it’s only a matter of time before he stops using those little things he never really had a use for in the first place – like his legs. Why walk to the fast food restaurant when he can putter through the drive-through in STYLE – on the new Jazzy Burger Hopper 2010? Purchased by taxpayer money AGAIN!



And here’s the final reason we all must stand up and fight this injustice. Right about the time Mack gets too fat to fit through the double doors of Dunkin Donut’s, his money will run out – and that’s when Mack gets REALLY sick of course. So what does that mean for the rest of us? We’ll get stuck holding the donut bag, of course.


Our tax money will go to taking care of the unending needs of a now-bedridden Mack: the numerous hospital beds to replace the ones that won’t stretch and grow with his increasing bulk; his medical treatments and medications (which he won’t comply with of course), and his transportation for his many visits to and from the ER – transportation which is now made possible only by the assistance of a 10 man fire crew using a lumber pulley to hoist his considerable bulk onto the back of one of their fire rigs (which is quite pricey at $5000 plus a ride). These expenses alone will keep us tax payers working hard for years to supplement the necessities to keep alive the very existence that Mack has held in such disregard for so long, with the ingestion of all that fast food.


Feel sorry for Mack? You wanna help him? Let this sink in then – People like Mack know how to get away with playing the “entitled victim” card. They have no reservations about advertising via media-megaphone the fact that they lack even a bit of backbone, nor do they care that the world finds out that they’re too stupid to put 2 and 2 together to make 4 when they get as big as a house and become seriously ill from a 4 Big Mac a day habit. This of course is coupled with their refusal to engage in anything beyond turning the key on their scooter motor for exercise. Yet they’re bright enough to point the finger of blame at someone else. Right now it’s the fast food corporations – it might be the little guy next…


Remember that the character traits of refusing to take responsibility and pride in themselves speaks volumes when it comes to what they’ll do, or won’t do, to bring the overladen wheelchairs of an undeserved future down on innocent bystanders.


In a country where “political correctness” has nothing to do with being correct and EVERYTHING to do with being political these fast food fatties are a BIG BIG threat to the freedoms we have left (not to mention our safety). These frivilous lawsuits of fat and stupid frijole eaters need to be headed off at the pass, and not given a chance to make into the courts! So what can we do?

Don’t write your congressmen! He doesn’t give a shit and he’s probably a closet food shover to boot. Don’t contact the president – with his popularity dwindling every day, you don’t want to get caught up in the publicity stunt, like a threat on his life, that is surely coming soon!
Instead, write to those with the most to lose. Ronald McDonald. Chucky Cheese.  Jack in the Box – yeah him. The talking head wearing the dunce cap. Tell him that he’s NEXT on the lawsuit smorgaasboard. Convince him to insert tiny spy cameras in those little Jack in the Box antenna bobble heads, and make sure the fatties get a few “complimentary” ones with their double order of MEGA cheese cake. The cameras can record all their movements. The fast food chains can be on a 5 mile warning alert to shut the shop down and disperse the goodies to whereabouts unknown – thereby shutting off the food supply for the night. Contact Richard Simmons the next time you see him crying about his being a has-been on Oprah. Tell him you have a bunch of HEAVY hitters that need to be sweatin’ to the oldies.  Arrange for him to show up at their houses at the crack of dawn!

Locally we can form neighborhood drive groups made up of bored housewives with nothing better to do. Have them hit the sauce a bit earlier in the morning and head out to those mailboxes to search and destroy those Wendy’s coupons from the newpapers of the enemy. Burn them! Remember, some of them can STILL toddle into their local Pizza Hut at this juncture.  Sneak into Taco Bell and swap out dressed up lettuce kabobs for flour tortillas!

We have to stop them! Like their beds, we can’t support them anymore. The future safety of our loved ones, our food supply and the state of our wallets depend on what we do TODAY!





10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Woodsterman
    Nov 04, 2009 @ 13:22:46

    Those evil hamburger eaters !


  2. surveygirl46
    Nov 04, 2009 @ 13:26:52

    There’s something about the “eyes” as their ordering their 2nd sandwhich ….for “here”…


  3. Joe
    Nov 04, 2009 @ 14:48:24

    fries to die for literally! Oh man that bike vanished in his butt crack.

    The Juicy quarter pounder of death.


  4. surveygirl46
    Nov 04, 2009 @ 16:12:39

    Thank you…i worked long on hard on that photo CHOP masterpiece…


  5. MadMadMargo
    Nov 04, 2009 @ 18:15:01

    Poor Mack, but he better leave some hamburgers for me – injustice!!!


  6. Trackback: What is really going on in my body, and do I have a baby or babies inside me? | Different Types of Headaches
  7. surveygirl46
    Nov 16, 2009 @ 04:25:19

    Honey if you have headaches and you have to ask if you have babies inside you, i don’t think indigestion from fast food is a concern at all..


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