Winning SCRATCHER in the humor post lotto…


what determines the amount of blog traffic you get each day?



I was reading a discussion thread today where the topic asked the question, “How many clicks per day do you get to your blog?” – or something to that effect. 

I entered the discussion and proudly announced that one random day (JULY 3, 2009 between the hours of 1 am – 10pm The topic was clowns with herpes and the rodents that love them) I got 140 clicks in 24 hours!  I was quickly humbled to discover there are quite a few bloggers who blog among us who consider their readership to have “dropped off” if they get a “mere” 500 clicks that day. 500 CLICKS a DAY?  I’M IN! What’s their secret? ( All I can say is, I’m gonna sit by THEM in study hall and copy THEIR homework…)

But anyway, this got me to thinking about the subjects that have pulled readers to my blog – and interestingly enough, I was actually in the middle of writing a post about that very subject when I happened upon the discussion thread today.   I won’t be long and windy as I only have a few photoshopped pictures to distract you with this time,  I don’t think any of them are big enough train wrecks to hypnotize you into forgetting that I tend to babble. 

On  a side note: obviously I chose the humor field  to blog in – or should I say the humor field chose me from the time I was old enough to figure out how much fun it was to shit my underoos and blame the smell on my Dad (last year was the first time it didn’t work by the way) – so  I’ve never carefully followed “the rules of successful blogging”, except for #2 which I do anyway: 

1. First, and foremost – whatever your blogging “venue” is, know your audience.

2. Write like you’re talking to one person “personally”.

3. Know what your audience is interested in.

I’m sure there are more but those are the three “golden rules” that I have seen reiterated time and again.

And the reason I didn’t follow those rules is because I decided early on to write humor based on what makes ME laugh, and I’m not a lightweight when it comes to what I find funny. I’m kinda sick in the head if you haven’t noticed yet.  Plus, I have known for years how subjective humor is – so when one chooses to put it  “out there” they better be comfortable knowing that the majority of people “out there” reading humor blogs  aren’t THAT “out there” when it comes to what they find humorous.  But  I wasn’t worried –  I knew from years of just living the day-to-day that my “bizarreness” would drag at least a few people down in the gutter with me – so I knew I’d be in some good company.   So I just wrote about what I thought was funny. 

So no more digression.  In the interest of keeping this short(er, than normal anyway) here are my photoshopped visuals so you can witness what has brought the readers, thusly so far, to MY humble blog:  

  (These  photoshopped “visual aids” are copied from my blog’s stats arena. Don’t worry the Bugs have been worked out ….)

  VISUAL 1:  This is a copy of yesterday’s stats.



 Note the post in top position is ” STD Mania Dating is Spreading Like Wildfire!”  Now look at the next picture – Visual 2:





I believe I wrote this post at the end of July or around August 1, at the very latest.  For all intents and purposes, this post is more than a bit long in the tooth for a humor post. It doesn’t perform a public service, nor does it provide any new scientific information that would benefit the world.  In fact it BAGS on STDS and People with STDS.  And yet…it continues to get the most clicks of any of my posts –  with my other STD “slams” coming in, although not as close,  behind it.  WHY is this? 



By the “search terms” people are using that direct them to my posts – it would appear that a lot of them are either individuals who “caught a bug” at some point in their lives and wish to do their own research on their affliction, or they’re of a subculture that finds venereal diseases “rather erotic”.  And it seems that some of them are addicted to Facebook’s Farmtown.

Maybe it’s not always a good thing to know what your audience is looking for…


17 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thinkinfyou
    Oct 12, 2009 @ 12:48:13

    You need to go to work on making a pubic lice remedy to sell on here! You could make millions!!!


    • FreakSmack
      Oct 14, 2009 @ 06:25:44

      Your exactly right! Lice killer shampoo, but don’t make it. Here’s the plan. Take selsun blue it’s medicated and burns like hell, so a) the infected will think it’s working and b) it probably will kill the crabby patties anyway it will at least piss them off and maybe they’ll go jump on the cat. Now you can’t go around selling selsun blue, they would just go to your favorite smiley store and buy it. So you got to send Todd out to the streets where I’m sure one of the turks in the hoof have stolen a commercial grade printer and realized their counterfeit bill operation isn’t going to work. You got to take your new photo shop skills and make a fancy label. Slap them on the bottles, don’t forget the “Now with Pubic Conditioner” slogan for the bottle, sell them for $22.50 a bottle plus $4.95 shipping and handling and you put a cool $23.49 in your pocket with each sale. You could even market it to people with fungal infections too! Better write a post about it first though. It’s late I’m not proofreading that if it makes no sense sorry. I couldn’t sleep because that crap was in my head.


      • surveygirl46
        Oct 14, 2009 @ 13:50:18

        I am IMPRESSED and IN AWE that you stayed up all night think ing of this wonderful way for me to turn a buc k AND provide a public service. I will mention this to TOdd tonite; i dont think he ll have a problem walking the streets for a good cause…THANKS FS!!!

  2. nonamedufus
    Oct 12, 2009 @ 13:26:38

    Gee I haven’t done a post on STD yet. Think that’ll attract the NASCAR crowd? What? Oh, that’s STP! Oh, never mind…


  3. Trackback: Humor » Top SCRATCHER in the humor post lotto… « everything but the furr…
  4. surveygirl46
    Oct 12, 2009 @ 14:43:09

    Hi TFU!

    I think there are enough candidates for the remedy out there, if you know what mean!


  5. surveygirl46
    Oct 12, 2009 @ 14:45:01

    Actually I think the NASCAR crowd may benefit for info on STD/STP – they probably need both!


  6. moooooog35
    Oct 12, 2009 @ 15:28:57

    STD Mania.

    That sounds like an awesome game for the Wii.


  7. surveygirl46
    Oct 12, 2009 @ 15:52:53

    The WII participants could engage in “virtual scratching”! Briliant idea, MOOOOG!


  8. Trackback: Top SCRATCHER in the humor post lotto… « everything but the furr…
  9. FreakSmack
    Oct 14, 2009 @ 04:55:26

    It’s funny how people find your blog, my two number 1 search terms are ‘sexual penetration” and “it’s peanut butter jelly time” most of the search terms are for sexual things I make fun of, and some things that get strung together to make phrases from a couple posts, like kitty cat blow job peanutbutter smacks on the ass, yes I’m serious. My most viewed post is girl girls girls. I figure half the people who find my site will one day wind up on it. How cool is that?


  10. Marc Shaw
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 14:28:14

    Hey, I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog!…..I”ll be checking in on a regularly now….Keep up the good work! 🙂

    – Marc Shaw


    • surveygirl46
      Oct 19, 2009 @ 03:18:37

      Hi Marc! I just wanted to say thanks for the kind words! I know i’m full of something, most likely some substance – but i;ll take what you said and run with it! Please visit often! Have a great day!


  11. Online Stock Trading
    Oct 16, 2009 @ 05:41:51

    Hey, I found your blog while searching on Google. I have a blog on online stock trading, I’ll bookmark your site.


  12. AKfour seven
    Oct 23, 2009 @ 23:05:30

    I stand here today humbled by the task before dofus kamas, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our cheap dofus kamas. I thank President dofus power leveling for his service to buy dofus kamas, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.


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