The Four (Dis)Agreements – and their disagreeable followers

4agree 

Be Impeccable With Your Word

Don’t Take Anything Personally

Don’t Make Assumptions

Always Do Your Best

 

 

 We’ve all heard of this little book, in fact I’ve read it myself – over and over and over.  I agree whole-heartedly with it’s message.  I think it’s “proverbs” aren’t only eloquent in their simplicity but their simplicity is too grandiose, for some reason, for a lot of people to “get”.  

And strangely enough, I’ve  found through my layman’s study of this subject that all the major  spiritualities of our world – christianity, moslem and buddhist, etc, based their teachings, more or less, on these very fundamental principles – this was before man came along and created the “polluted” religions from their need to control, of course.

But mankind had to butt in where they didn’t belong, and now so shall I – and take some victims with me as usual – just for fun.

So without further ado, I present for your satirical bagging pleasure:


4diss
The “scripture” followed by all those wonderful men and women who daily make our lives a living hell.  
Recognize anyone you know?

1. Be IRRATIONAL  With Your Words – this for one is a precept followed by the bosses and supervisors we’ve had the displeasure of doing business with over the years. You know who I mean – They give you totally illogical tasks like….oh, go  “doodle” flowers on each of the pages of the budget report – and have it ready for the budget meeting in an HOUR!  Disbelieving, you ask them several times over to clarify exactly ‘what they mean’ only to get an impatient  “JUST DO THE DOODLES like I asked!” 

Because your teenage daughter REALLY needs the dentist to fix her screwed up grill and you REALLY don’t want to have a snaggled-toothed spinster on your hands later if you don’t do-odle  something now – you go ahead and “doodle” on the budget report.  After all, does a hooker question her kinky John when he dresses up like Little Bo Peep?  It’s his dime, his right to be weird, and you’re getting paid – so no questions asked.  Until an hour later when you appear in the middle of  the budget meeting,  to present him with his daisy-filled report consisting of 400 flowered sheets, and he looks at you like you’ve gone  crazy and denies the whole incident in front of 40 outraged, already uptight budget crunchers.  Who are they going to believe if you even knew how to defend yourself in this surreal situation?

Although not that exact scenario, I’ve actually had supervisors who did things like this to me. Why? Just because they could. This is the type of person who deserves to be cornered alone at night in a dark alley and thrown down semi-unconscienctious to a bunch of angry delusional trolls who will slowly nibble on his genitals with sharp little teeth while large sewer rats eat his liver – but even nutless, bleeding and blind he’ll probably deny the attack ever happened.  He’ll probably try to deny his own death too – but it will happen – though maybe not soon enough for his victims.

2. Take EVERYTHING Personally – “Dear Jesus – Thank you so much for the needy, bitchy, and whiney you’ve seen fit to so lovingly place in my life path over and over and over…”  Oh sorry…I got lost for a moment in my daily meditations.  (Is it obvious the second Dis-agreement is my personal fave?)  

These hemorrhoidal annoyances are ususally women (although lately some metrosexuals have hopped on board as if in fear of being left out of the whine-a-thon). This is the SOB sister who gets insulted if someone in the presence of her company walks off to the LOO without saying goodbye. They appear SO sensitive and SO easily hurt they cause the normal people around them to rearrange their own work and personal schedules, along with any behaviors, hairstyles and personality traits that might offend or make little Lori cry.  People also feel the need to coach others to give in to the manipulations of this idiot. People don’t really like her-  they just want to get her 1 million needy needs met so she doesn’t detonate, and they can go home.  She’s SO tender don’t ya know.  I say bull crap!  These ass-wipes know exactly what they’re doing – these kings and queens of Passive-Agressive Land. 

I like to deal with this kind of person in a one-on-one personal way:   “Why didn’t I call you back right away when you rang at 1:11 am to tell me your cat finally pooped? Was it because I was out cold from exhaustion and didn’t hear the phone ring?”  Um no.  It’s because you simply don’t stir up that kind of concern in me, Lori.  I don’t think about you at all until the hairs on the back of my neck start tingling about a minute before the smell of your rancid breath fills the room,  and I’m suddenly clued in to your arrival. Ya know Lori, I’m GLAD your cat pooped, I really am.  Now eat (its) shit…”  That’s all I have to say about people like this.

3. ALWAYS MAKE ASSUMPTIONS – Yeah, keep on making those assumptions that another person will always pay for dinner and lunch AND drive a whole  state away to come get your drunk puking ass where it’s fallen sloppily over in front of some waterfront dive bar at 3 am AND watch your kids at a moment’s notice – so you can go out and make some more brats to pawn off on them and so on.  Oh, I almost forgot – keep assuming that someone else will always pay your bills because you don’t work.  And above all, always assume it’s understood by the world that’s it’s always been and ever shall be ALL about YOU. Hmmm.

I ASSUME you also know that someday that other person will most likely snap, and at some point plot your abduction – in which you will be bound and gagged then driven miles and miles away to some undisclosed and forgotten but incestually- populated Bayou swamp, in  Louisiana.  You will then be dropped off  all by your lonesome until the  pop-eyed, slooooow, big headed boys show up to use their banjos on you however they see fit.  If you then assume that you’ll be thrown to the gators about 5 hours later when along with all the other party treats, you’ve been drooled on till  half-drowned, rest assured  you’ll be 100% correct in your assumption!

4. Always Do Your Best.. (to Cover your Ass And let someone else take the blame for your stupid mistakes…)

A plethora of cowards probably take this one to heart but this mantra, in all it’s glory, can best be witnessed by the shenanigans of well-known coroporate CEO’s, insurance companies, some hospitals, the rich and famous (and their “entitled” and spoiled glam-brats), and most definitely by 99% of the idiots who hold, or who have held, public office in our nation over the years. 

We really don’t need to dream up our retaliations in their cases – they always hang themselves eventually – they even bring their own rope! And are never taken seriously again.

obushma

At last Osama was found...hiding in a Bush...

 

Do you think I should write a book and publish it just for sadistic fun?  What would Jesus do?

 jesuslaugh

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Maurice
    Aug 19, 2009 @ 15:19:48

    >>Take EVERYTHING Personally<<

    I've had two people get upset because they read something on my blog and I'd not bothered to call and tell them personally. My thought was "you've got to be kidding me." My mother wasn't upset, nor my brother or sister, and not people I'd known since high school. I hadn't called any of them either.

    Ah. Some people.

    Reply

  2. surveygirl46
    Aug 19, 2009 @ 18:11:11

    Hi Maurice! Thanks for stopping by. Although I bag on everything absurd it’s passive agressive traits that really get me going. The Four Agreements basically lets you know, in a gentle way, that the ego is nothing but a bottomless pit that can take over if one is not careful. I’ve been doing my best to evict mine in most cases, but it’s a sneaky little bastard and comes back to whine in the ear about all the love, money, fame, popularity, ramen, it’s not getting. I remind it that it’s not getting any younger either.

    Yeah, unfortunately some people aren’t even aware yet that they and their egos are not ONE – and their ego takes EVERYTHING personally…It’s people that blame everyone else for their misery and for what they’re lacking – the ALL ABOUT ME syndrome – and don’t even SEE it a tiny bit that are the invited guests on my hotseat. 🙂

    Reply

  3. ChrisPark
    Sep 04, 2009 @ 20:21:17

    Hello. My name is Chris. I’m from USA. I’m new to this forum, i was hoping you could maybe teach me some stuff.

    This is me-> http://lmageshack.us/img/chrisP.jpg – Just so you know who i am! feel free to post your own photos. Allways best to know who you talk to!

    Reply

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