Loser’s just need (canned) love like everyone else…

 

loser 

 

So I’m sitting here in front of my computer on our last official night of  “still having a roof over our heads” before we become one of those crazy homeless street couple’s with a pit bull,  (Our present dilemma born of our refusal to give in to our apartment complex’s demands to get rid of said pit bull)  It’s an hour away from midnight and I don’t think the governor’s gonna call.  

Worse than the thought of  decorating a living room in a dumpster is how being in certain situations can make you feel about yourself  – like the BIGGEST losers – only the extra weight you’re carrying isn’t on your body frame – instead it’s on your back and I believe it’s called the WORLD. 

Even though we are a very optimistic family by nature (Todd, Fluffy, and myself), it’s hard for us, for anyone really, to eventually not feel discouragement with the present situation.    I know very well our situation, partially of our own making, is certainly not unique to mankind these days.  Yes I’ve also heard at least 100 stories from people in our complex that are  SOBBIER than ours will ever be.

Still.  How many job rejections for “bad creditcan a person blow off  before it sinks in that unless the lotto fairy visits soon you’re fated indefinitely to continue your endless running to nowhere (like a frantic gerbil on a caged wheel futilely trying to escape his Richard Gere), in trying to get ahead of the finance gameHow many $30-a-pop credit checks will you trustingly hand over before it’s apparent that those friendly, understanding apartment managers showing you around your “new home”, are just stringing you along on false hope in order to get whatever they can from you –  before saying “Sorry, you just don’t meet our criteria”?. 

How many ignorant, unsympathetic in-laws virtual strangers can you put up with stereotyping your Fluffy for his breed and judging your for your “poor decisions” before you finally snap, say FUCK IT and just sic the damn dog on their stupid asses.  (You think you’ve seen monsters? I’ll show you a really scarey one).  See, all this crap piles up and eventually makes you feel like you’re walking around wearing a big yellow name tag so everyone knows Who and What you are before you even have a chance to elaborate on anything:

IMLOSER

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK. Enough with the pity party. 

For the last week I’ve witnessed Todd getting more rundown, quieter and stressed with every door slammed in our faces till he’s at the point of depressed exhaustion.   Hey, we’re all stressed here (except Fluffy who just doesn’t give a shit), but stress, like maggots, feeds off  and grows bigger with each person it’s attacking.   Not good.  And another thing I’ve been reflecting on is the cold hard fact that a person already feeling discouraged about a challenging situation is certain to get even more discouraged the more other people (just tryin’ to help my dear!)  help drive their failures home to them with all the negative comments and opinions they give cheerfully and freely – usually about a situation they have no experience in but for some reasons are authorities on:   

Example:  

My neighbor who “means well”:   “So tell me how the job interview went.  You know I’ve been praying for you, you poor things.  Aren’t  you supposed to be out by 8 am tomorrow morning? You know, Betty called the cops on the last people she evicted for their dog. Those kids were coming out the front door with the last of their belongings at 8:01 and they got arrested! I sure hope that’s not you and Todd and Fluffy tomorrow.  Do you have warrants? I hope not, cuz they check EVERYONE in an eviction”.  

(Continues while shaking head sadly to an invisible metronome for the next 10 minutes, either in her supreme disappointment in us LOSERS,  or because she has Parkinson’s disease – she’s in a wheelchair but I never asked):  “Well Lisa, I ALWAYS say that responsible people THINK AHEAD for things like divorce and bankruptcy 20 years before they happen! “Now, what are you going to do?  No one respectable will hire  you with all your credit problems, eviction and THE DOG.”  (Keeps rambing….)  Looks like you may have to go to work at the recycling center.  I hear there’s a shelter near by you and Todd could check out.  Of course, they don’t take pit bulls – but you knew their reputation before you took him in now, didn’t you?”   (Keeps shaking head to a tune only she can hear and I’m so mesmerized I find myself keeping time with my foot)

You know what I mean.  Some people just live to make a bad situation worse. God bless ’em. And the stress someone already has, mixed with THAT SHITE is not healthy – or fun, and damn it, I want to LAUGH about life. I want to joke about hemorrhoids.  I want to describe with glee the sagging cellulitey ass of some poor unsuspecting middle aged librarian. I want to soar FREE!  It’s hard to do that if you have negative shit about yourself cycling endlessly in your head. 

SO, as usual, I came up with an idea! Hee Hee.  No more crappy unwanted negativeyes your’e a Loser I’m agreeingopinions from snaggled tooth, chin haired, spastic trolls  in wheelchairs, ever again!  FUCK em! (actually you fuck em’ …ewwww!)

From now on, our every fuck up, snafu, brickwall, rejection, turn down, rip off – WHATEVER will elicit a positive response based on reverse psychology designed to get us OUT of the MIND FUCK RUT  we’re in and back on top of our game again!  When I FUCK up I want to feel that I just beat out Lance Armstrong  in Le Tour De France or just heard that I won the Nobel Peace Prize for just being myself. We’re going to get some positive encouragement damnit!

HOW,  you ask?  What are we going to do? Hire a troop of sycopant yes-men actors to lick the dogshit off our shoes and tell us 24 hours a day how wonderful we are and how stupid and wrong everyone else is?  Please.  We don’t even have enough money to hire a stick of gum.

But we do have a computer with a SPEAKER, and I do know how to download things. 

So from now on, the fall out from any mucked up, STUPIDITY of our own  making, or not, will be handled with canned continual encouragement until we are both convinced that our shit ALWAYS smells like roses, no matter what we may have taken a dump on at the time:   

Take a look-see: 

Life FAIL #1:

LISA: I didn’t get the job at the Recycling Center. The retarded kid just drooled at me and spit out that they were looking for someone with better credit and who seems a little smarter. I feel like such a LOSER.

Old response: You should have studied those bottle and can return answers better.  Those retarded supervisors may drool but THEY DON’T mess around when it comes to hiring responsibly..blah blah blah

New Response: 

Life Fail #2:

LISA: We just got an eviction notice and a court summons!  Seems that Fluffy’s not that friendly after all. That nice old woman in the next building may lose her face – she’s the DA’s MOTHER.  I’m in SO MUCH TROUBLE!

Old Response: Yes you are!  And you know, with those pretty looks you still have it’s a SHAME – the dykes will certainly be happy to see you. I hear they’re often Rosie O’Donnell types. You’re such a relatively young woman!  How could you let this happen?

New Response:

LIFE Fail #3

Todd: I was still drunk from last night when I went into the office this morning. I forgot about the porn and pound of cocaine I had in my briefcase. It broke open right in the middle of my one year evaluation. Oh by the way, you’re vibrator’s batteries work just fine.

Old response: My vibrator better NOT BE BROKEN Mister!

New response: My vibrator  better NOT BE BROKEN Mister!  (OOPS, sorry – guess there is ONE exception to the new rule)

LIFE Fail #4:

TODD: Lisa, I just beat the shit out of a cop, stole his gun and a Task Force is on it’s wa…..Oh Shit they’re here! I’m sorry baby, I’m no good for you..or anyone…

Old response: You ASSHOLE!  After ALL i’ve DONE FOR YOU TOM..I mean Todd…

New response:

 

There you have it.   Raising the self-esteem with some good old crowd adoration – ongoing, canned and free – if you sneak in and cyber-heist it under someone else’s IP address.   Budget-conscietious AND  effective. What more could  you ask for in times like these? 

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thinkinfyou
    Aug 17, 2009 @ 21:57:00

    Well I’m here cheering for ya! I hope that things work out! Let me know how it goes!

    Reply

    • surveygirl46
      Aug 17, 2009 @ 22:06:17

      Thanks Sweetpea! we took the Fluff over to meet the landlord, he LOVED him – he just said he has to let his tenants know so they’re not freaked. All we’re waiting on is my 100 year old Father (co signer so i shouldn’t bitch) but he’s old and forgetful and he’s got my mom to deal with (alzheimers and all FUN)…yadayadayada….LOL; it looks good but wish us luck girl! did you like the allusion to the vibe i put in the post? HAHAHA

      Reply

  2. FreakSmack
    Aug 18, 2009 @ 00:31:37

    I don’t know who you are referring to here “snaggled tooth, chin haired, spastic trolls in wheelchairs, ever again! FUCK em! (actually you fuck em’ …ewwww!)” but, I ONLY WATCHED ! I was thinking maybe a little plastic surgery for the fluffinator then you can tell people he’s the taco bell dog’s only living son, and housing him would be like having a celebrity living in the complex.

    Reply

    • surveygirl46
      Aug 18, 2009 @ 01:24:32

      Actually, the town where we “hopefully ” may be moving this week (i’m cautiously optimistic – ill post on AS the whole sitch), FLUFF insitu is actually a positive factor in home alarm systems. PS – FS – no one, and i mean NO ONE “just watches” troll pooty tang UNLESS they’re somehow also involved….Come on…i didn’t just fall off the turnip truck yesterdy …it was more like 1861…

      Reply

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