Donner Party of Four – the end of the “ugly blind date dinner date” scenario as we know it…

Can I come in?

Can I come in?

Are you a person who cares about others and their problems AND  the problems in our great country, BUT at the same time feels great frustration caused   by other’s dumping their problems ON you?  Let me get a little more specific…

Do you feel sorrow for the plight of America’s misunderstood cannibal?  Did reading the story of  the Donner Party make you cry? Did you get where the cannibals were coming from, in their eating of human flesh?  Do you wish from the heart you could do something to help the dwindling numbers in cannibals caused by their lack of adequate food?  Yeah?  OK, then  – answer these questions for me as well…

Did you somehow mysteriously end up with people in your life who are such ugly and smelly losers you couldn’t even pay the severely retarded kid down the street to go out with them and take them off your hands? Are your weekends ruined by keeping one ear out for the ring of the doorbell signifying their weekly clockwork RETURN  to invade your sanctuary? 

Do you pray that it’s an IRS auditor on the porch instead of  THEM AGAIN, whenever you answer your door? Do you ever getting tired of hoping they’ll die soon  of natural causes or in some accident and find yourself wishing instead that you had the money and the balls to just hire a hit man and get it over with?

Have you ever wanted to see a cannibal actually eat someone alive?

Well my compassionate and harrassed friend – Your annoying problems with the annoying are soon to be OVER! AND guess what?  You get to do your part to help feed our nation’s cannibals ! Get out your champagne and call everyone you know to celebrate!  Tell the neighbors that the cannibals are going to be  SAVED! And don’t worry about those greasy, stinky ugly wastes of space showing up to ruin your fun — soon they won’t  be ringing any doorbells, nor will they be tying up your phone for hours on end relaying their long nasty diatribes about their infected hangnails or hemmorrhoids. We promise!  How can THIS be accomplished you ask?  Let me tell you how

You’ve heard of “group dating” right?  Group dating involves throwing a group together, made up of guys and gals who shy away from one on one dates.  The group atomosphere is relaxing and tension free – the group meets for dinner, drinks, bowling, movies…and whatever they decide to do, it’s as a group!  Like  those dating/dining services Eight at Eight or Party of 6! 

What does that have to do with my  losers and our nations cannibals, you ask?   I’m getting ahead of myself so let me back up a minute…

You probably recognize this sickening advertisement as just one of the many annoying SPAMS that pop up on your computer screen every morning while you’re trying to read the news and drink your coffee and vodka instead of working, without your co-workers getting wise…

That’s right – It’s the well known  logo from ” Just Make Em’ Wear A Bag”  Dating Service!


Nothing makes the eyes our eyesores...

The creators of got together with The National Coaltion to Feed Misunderstood Cannibals in the United States  to come up with an exciting new innovation that’s part dating service and part Stop the Hunger campaign. 

But here’s the really exciting part –  This “service” actually provides ONE simple solution to TWO of our nation’s most perplexing problems!

Introducing Donner Party of Four!    So, what exactly is Donner Party of Four? 

We promise to kiss em' before we cook em'...

We promise to kiss em' before we cook em'...

Why it’s group dating of course – but with a twist!

We place two losers at a time  (like your losers) in a “group dating” situation with two cannibals posing as “love interests”, and voila! TWO perplexing problems we face today are eradicated one dinner “date” at a time! 

First, the digusting losers actually get to experience their first and only real “date”.  We’re talking  an event in which the other participant doesn’t hurt their feelings by vomiting at the sight and smell of them.   

Secondly, by having the two losers as “dates for dinner” the starving cannibals finally get to take in their kind of nourishment , without the fear of  legal action being taken against them by angry friends and relatives of their “dinner”.  

How is that possible you ask?    It’s possible because you’re involved and giving them permission by providing the “dates”! 

No need to feel guilty!  This is a totally humane way to take out the weak and annoying and save a race of people at the same time!   Think of it as helping nature take it’s course – but in a much more personal and loving way. 

You’re helping fulfill the fantasys of two of life’s unfortunate misfits who just want to be loved and desired once before they die!  And they shall! ONCE before THEY DIE!  Courtesy of two hungry yet very attentive cannibals who will make sure your losers are wined and dined aplenty,  before they’re pickled and eaten for dessert!   And what a unique way to tell the hungry cannibal you care!

Which ones are the cannibals and which ones are the "dates'?

Which ones are the cannibals and which ones are the "dates'?

Call 1-800-Datingfeed now and set up an end to your “problems” with this loving solution today. 
Just give us their names, addresses and physical descriptions and we’ll take care of the rest.  They’ll be contacted with a surprise anonymous “gift” of a free dating membership – one  whose members are handsome and beautiful singles just dying to socialize with gems such as they!  We promise their charms will be toasted before they’re roasted!
And remember, there is no class distinction among who qualifies as a “loser”. It can be ANY unwanted annoying person sucking up your time that you want gone.  As an added bonus we’ll even send you proof of their successful date!
Call Donner Party for Four today and rest easy tonight – knowing that you’ve done your patriotic duty and your compassionate best to Keep American FED and Beautiful!

13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thinkinfyou
    Aug 12, 2009 @ 17:01:00

    Ah SG, you are such a humanitarian,it makes me cry with laughter every time you speak of creative ways to make this world a better place. I feel proud to know you!


  2. surveygirl46
    Aug 12, 2009 @ 17:54:15

    TFU– I just couldn’t stand by and watch the plight of the cannibal and the harangument of the compassionate by the annoying go on ANY longer without coming up with at least ONE solution. I am so glad that YOU understand. I took a GIANT leap of faith when I pubically posted this, it’s good to have your support girl….I feel honored to know you as well…


  3. surveygirl46
    Aug 12, 2009 @ 17:55:20

    PS i really didn’t mean to write “pubic-ly”, i meant public-ly, but hell, pubic-ly is funnier and maybe subconscienciously i meant it….


  4. thinkinfyou
    Aug 12, 2009 @ 21:15:03

    Well if that is the case, you have quite a talented vagina!


  5. anditsgone46
    Aug 12, 2009 @ 21:25:16

    I tell ya…that’s what my billing used to be when i was a young pup: The retarded girl with the Idiot Sauvant Vagina! You oughta seen me back then…I had BOTH my legs…hair on my head…i could fit into a knapsack…then you just get OLD….well…what can i say?


  6. thinkinfyou
    Aug 13, 2009 @ 02:46:47

    That’s it,you need to start a weekly gig of “Ask My Genius Vagina.” SG, this could be HUGE. Don’t let a talent such as a educated vag go to waste. I will be waiting for this post,for I have tons of questions I’d like answered!


  7. thinkinfyou
    Aug 13, 2009 @ 17:20:59

    No not HUGE,just ALL KNOWING!


  8. FreakSmack
    Aug 13, 2009 @ 21:10:39

    Dear all knowing Vagina, I think this could blow up in your face. Did thoust forget to think of the chances of them hitting it off??? I don’t know if the world needs cannibal loser hybrids running around. Thak you for hearing me oh holiest of vag


  9. surveygirl46
    Aug 13, 2009 @ 21:24:30

    Dear possessor of one small can of vienna – Thank thou for thoust concerns, however the Holy Vag hast already taken this into serious consideration. If per chance hybrids wouldst occur from an “in breeding” of sorts the situation would rectfy itself thusly:

    Sinst the losers just want love from humans and the cannibals just want to eat humans a hybrid combination of the two breeds would end up consuming each other totally – one half from the lust for flesh the other half to be, as the poets say, consumed by love. Worry not, my sausage-linked friend…all is well in the cavernous universe of the holy vag…


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