Appreciate The Stupid For Without Them We Would Be Morons

Exhibit A for the Jury: Our unsung heroes: The Stupid and Clueless (and Other Wonder-In-breds) Who Thankfully Walk Among Us

If not for these under-appreciated individuals who unwittingly provide us with the truly hilarious fruits of their idiotic shenanigans and sometimes just their mugs, the content of our blogs might become infected with the comedian’s version of the eboli virus – the dreaded unfunny-runnies – a disease which physically changes one in to a drooling un-funny moron with gastrointestinal emissions that blast the delicate nasal passages of those who have the misfortune to be in the immediate vicinity. Although this condition has been proven not to cause physical death to the afflicted’s body, it is a different story entirely in regards to the afflicted’s humor career. However, there was a time when the outcome for the victim was even worse:

A Brief History and Tragic Outcome of Victims of the Unfunny-Runnies

The unfunny-runnies have always been around in the comedy arena, but in the past its victims were thought to be suffering from a highly contagious and always horrible fate. Overnight the unfortunate being would metamorphasize from a funny, often times highly successful comedy writer into a stuttering mental moron who couldn’t write his name, let alone a coherent sentence, without exhibiting maloderous fecal explusions every 5 minutes.

Some of these misunderstood victims became the new poster children of a National Cleansing Campaign deemed necessary by the witch hunters of this century who convinced John Q Public that anyone could suffer this terrible fate, and most likely would, unless precautions were taken.

Some of the afflicted escaped and survived:

Exhibit B for the Jury: circa 1959: Suddenly unfunny, these former humor writers, now unemployed smelly morons, had only two career choices back in 1959; running for congress or bagging groceries for tips at the local A&P. The moron who chose wisely usually ended up with a long, if unexciting, grocery career with benefits and despite their intestinal repulsiveness, usually retired with pensions. The stupid morons who chose to run for congress usually only succeeded in becoming the forerunners of today’s more common moron – the public moron, who is still stinking up everything he touches.

But some of the afflicted did not escape:

Exhibit C for the Jury: Nameless and Possibly Still Floating

 

As late as 1960, most of the unfortunate afflicted were still being seized from their homes in the dead of night, surgically lobotomized, quarantined and finally sequestered with the other “unfunny but farting” on ghost ship garbage scows, where they were fated to live out their lives in drooling diarrheal oblivion in uncharted waters of the sea, miles off the New Jersey coast.

Exhibit D For the Jury: Home Sweet Home

The whereabouts and fate of these water-bound individuals were known only to a few federal agents. The distraught families were told for years that the the disappearances of their loved ones was being investigated by the US Armed Forces and treated as probable alien abductions. To back up this fabrication, false reports were leaked to national media that ” citizens of US rural areas across the nation had been making reports of ” a real big cup and saucer thingamajig that flies over my trailer every nite”.

These stories were gleefully impregnated further by the real residents of our nations fine trailer utopias who gladly added their own beer-infused tall-tales to the festivities, grateful at finally being taken seriously by the rest of the country.

Exhibit D for The Jury: The Witness. The Truth is OUT THERE Just West of the Bud Weiser Memorial Trailer Park !

Between 1964-1972, a population explosion of mass proportion occurred in the poorer states. The down home residential parks and elegant greens of our nation’s wheeled citizens seemed to be especially blessed in the family way for 7 years when the townships experienced intermittent blackouts, always seeming to occur during the stock car nationals, an event of major importance to these fine Americans. With no stock cars to watch go round and round and no light they could count on to play their usual game of Alien Hunter, the men and women of these tiny hamlets found their entertainment the old-fashioned way.

Horny and fumbling in pitch dark tiny toilet stalls and cramped mobile home bedrooms and fueled by the always-potent YooHoo-Beer marguerita, some of these citizen’s naturally mistook their siblings for their actual legal spouses and went to town until it was too late, and a truly alien event did in fact, occur:

 

Exhibit E For the Jury: Behold the Cure for the Unfunny-Runnies: The Saviors of the Humor Blogger and Comedy Writer World-Wide!!

On behalf of those of us still writing questionable but entertaining humor and in memory of the horrible fate of those writers who experienced what is now known as a writers block – We SALUTE YOU!!!! YOU ARE OUR MUSES and BEAUTIFUL IN OUR EYES!!!!!

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Thinkinfyou
    May 23, 2009 @ 14:03:56

    This post could be made into a public service announcement to help the masses.Because I don’t think people take this affliction seriously enough.

    Reply

  2. itSAMEERacle
    May 23, 2009 @ 18:04:28

    HAHA this would be a funny PSA. Nobody wants to descend into a “drooling diarrheal oblivion”

    Reply

  3. surveygirl46
    May 24, 2009 @ 00:29:25

    TFU – i started out with something completely different but something led me to take this affliction seriously
    Miracle – As having descended once, i am loathe to do it again, so i warn people instead:)

    Reply

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