A Reality Show I’d Actually Watch

Most of the crap on TV these days is well……CRAP.

If I’m forced to endure one more episode of The Bachelor I will go OFF!

Where a nose picking, Ken doll wannabe Corporate Robot chooses first…..duh…uh LACI, (one of the 3 interchangeable future PTA, Capped Tooth’d, Honey Drippin‘ Sweet Talkin‘, Back Stabbing, I’m Just A Lil Ol‘ Southern flap jack, boring as hell girls still clinging on till the bitter end) THEN turns around two weeks later and trades her in for…durr…i meant STACI. (Who the fuck can tell them apart anyways?) It’s time to take out the trash with this recycled horseshit.

It’s time for the networks to start making reality shows a little more the way most of us see reality, even if we would never publicly admit it. American people, already affected by the shitty economy, job loss, needless harassment by the police, and the lies our government tells us, should not be expected to also gag down the whiny, mindless drivel of shallow assholes who are on TV only for the purpose of being famous for 15 minutes. The American people need JUSTICE! The American people need their TV and beer! But they need shows that ease their stressed out psyches, mete out justice to the deserving and are entertaining enough so they want to stay home instead of spend what money they have left after taxes and debts on illegal drugs and hookers!

And, if they could be doing something good for their environment at the same time it would go a long way to building up their PRIDE in America again!

So I emailed CBS with my first idea and here it is:

Shooting at the Stars

Get your beer out, the popcorn ready and your AK loaded.

Join us Monday night for an hour of action-packed thrills and drama.

One lucky S.O.B. will be flying to Hollywood to join our producers and secret panel of judges at our secret 40 acre Hollywood ranch. Armed with the automatic weapon of his choice he will have 2 hours to track, bait and successfully take-out one of the three annoying celebrities that America hand picked as their top choices of the wastes of space whose dead rotting carcasses have been stinking up our airwaves (and air!) for years!!

We get season 1 off to a great start and make Monday nights the new official Trash Nite by offering up a very special trio of refuse that needed to be put curbside years ago:

Carrot Top of 10-10-321 fame – Nominated by you America as deserving to be off’d based on his insulting existence alone.

Anne Heche star of…Who CARES! – She’s been a lesbian, she’s been straight, maybe Monday night she’ll be DEAD!

and America, 75% of you voted this celeb as your #1 shoe-in for justifiable homicide –

Sally Struthers for her endless decades of “Save the Children”infomercials that went on and on for hours, pissing off all you who were looking forward to getting high while watching Taxi re-runs.

With all the food Sally obviously inhaled during the course of her life, that fat rich bitch couldn’t spare a crumb for dying innocents while she was RIGHT THERE next to them, but instead expected US to foot the bill. Tag Buffaloe Gal, come Monday night you might be IT!

Cameras will be rolling to catch the priceless looks of surprise, disbelief, shock and then HORROR as special guest host Ted Nugent dressed in his trademark Cami’s, greets each celeb as they come through The Ranch’s front door. The expressions on their faces recorded for posterity as the truth finally sinks in for each of them and they at last realize the real purpose for their presence at The Ranch in what could very well be their Final role.

Lucky audience members will witness first hand the increasing drama as each celeb goes from rational reasoning to pleading, crying and bribing to finally hysterical high-pitched tone apologizing for their rude wasting of our time with the endless, show no mercy, tortuous drivel they forced upon the viewing public all these years!

And be there as they experience for the first, and possible last, time the cold stone demeanor on the motor city madman’s face, as Ted representing ALL Americans, coldly ignores their pathetic begging to stop the ongoing torment and let them go! Sound familiar?)

Sure to be exciting!

BONUS INFORMATION:

Here’s an insider scoop on how the networks arranged it:

To insure the enthusiastic participation of these celebrities, the personal show biz manager for each celeb lied and told the celeb that they were being flown in specially to compete against two other wash-ups for the chance at a career-reviving move by beating out the others for the lead role of “desperate for date” small Asian bald man in a new infomercial advertising a recycled Popeel 1980s waste of money – New and Improved Spray On Hair In A Can!! The celebs all bought it!!

Disclaimer: Keep in mind these celebs jumped at the chance to lie and cheat the people by endorsing the same money-wasting product of the 1980s that they KNOW for a fact is sold at Wal*Mart for 1.99 a can, contains poison, and is used to paint small appliances and auto parts.

And you can be assured that we recycle our trash! The celebrities that missed being the game prize on one show will simply be shackled and cuffed to wooden posts in the The Ranch’s special “pig pen” until they can be entered into an upcoming episode with 2 new losers.

So join us 8:00 Monday night on CBS for what is sure to be an exciting, not to mention a much-need environmental cleansing, opening season (no pun intended) of Shooting At The Stars.

**Field and Stream Review calls Shooting at the Stars the ultimate in pre-intervention tactics by causing future would-be celebrity assholes to think again about wasting our time watching and listening to shit that’s been being recycled for the last 55 years.

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14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Skye
    May 10, 2009 @ 13:53:00

    Now that is a Reality Show that I’d watch as well, hell I’d try out to be on it 😀

    Knowing how scared the Celeb’s would be once all was revealed, they’d probably run and hide together making it a great shot for a 3-fer. You know, line ’em up baby, 3 dead for the price of one!

    Reply

  2. Skye
    May 10, 2009 @ 13:57:00

    By the way, I came here via a link in Etta Rose’s blog 🙂

    Reply

  3. surveygirl46
    May 10, 2009 @ 14:47:00

    Thank you SO much for stopping by and leaving a comment, and you must have read the post below this one on how i HATE clicks but no comments:) LOL…thank you and Etta Rose both..

    ps – the celebrity i was really serious about was Sally Pizza Fields….she’d probably be an easy target….have a great day (OH yeah omarosa bugs me every which way, starting with her STUPID name)

    Reply

  4. ettarose
    May 10, 2009 @ 23:40:00

    Hey am I good or what! I love Skye she is awesome. The link is for an award so come and pick it up dammit! I want Omarosa to be the first shot in the ass!

    Reply

  5. itSAMEERacle
    May 11, 2009 @ 00:46:00

    I would watch this show for sure. DOWN WITH CARROT TOP!

    Reply

  6. Chris
    May 11, 2009 @ 02:04:00

    I’m in, hell, I’d watch that if it were on Pay Per View. For episode two I’d like to nominate Will Ferrell, Seth Rogan, and Jessica Simpson.

    Great writing!

    Reply

  7. surveygirl46
    May 11, 2009 @ 02:54:00

    Thank you Chris:) I figured I’d start with the MOST annoying first and get them out of the way. I will be updating that Shooting at the Stars sequel and make sure i take your nominees into the panel for what season we should put them on:)

    Reply

  8. Thinkinfyou
    May 11, 2009 @ 13:32:00

    I love the idea,or if we can’t actually kill them how about if they get “shot” they get transferred to an island never to be heard from again!?! That would make me happy!!

    Reply

  9. surveygirl46
    May 11, 2009 @ 19:18:00

    We could call it FANTASY COME TRUE ISLAND or Did They SURVIVE-ER? (subtag: Does anyone really care?) Great ideas for upcoming game shows:)

    Reply

  10. FreakSmack
    May 13, 2009 @ 01:00:00

    Greatest show in the History of television! I’d also like to see Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan,they are skinny so it will take some shooting skill, but, I think Uncle Ted can handle it. And the spin-offs. Take Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul, Lock them in a small room together for a couple months with nothing but liquor,spam, and all the Roxycodone Paula can swallow. Sure to be a winner as well!

    In my opinion this is the only blog worth reading.

    Reply

  11. surveygirl46
    May 13, 2009 @ 02:50:00

    Coming from you FreakSmack, that is a HIGH compliment indeed – I laugh my ass off over your blog every day…..(in fact i think i know some of those better-looking freaks)

    Reply

  12. Skye
    May 13, 2009 @ 21:20:00

    Who is Omarosa, I don’t know the name? Oh well, I guess I could always go and google it.

    Anyway, thank you for the welcome, yes I did read that other post, as well as a few more, but that’s not why I commented. I only comment when I read something I find interesting and/or incredibly funny. This post (and the rest of your blog) scored on both points, so you’re stuck with me coming around on occassion 😀

    Etta, thank you so much, you’re far too kind ya know 🙂

    Reply

  13. surveygirl46
    May 13, 2009 @ 22:27:00

    No i was kidding when i said the other post becuz the post before this one was the “clicks but no comments” post; i read alot of blogs daily and don’t comment on all of the posts either – thanks so much for regularly stopping bye, love to have you visit 🙂

    Reply

  14. Skye
    May 15, 2009 @ 19:10:00

    Hey, I knew you were joking around, ok well, I thought perhaps you were, but figured I’d play it safe 😀

    As for me coming around so often, well of course I do, you make me laugh after a long day of work with grumpy people!

    Reply

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