EMBRACE THE GERBIL INSIDE YOU!!

HIS NOT-SO MISSIONARY POSITION ON HIS “OTHER” TALENTS: Richard Gere holds up TWO fingers!! Officially confirming the rumors reported on E! last Monday night, Richard happily tells reporters, audience, and fellow actors attending the 2007 Golden Globe Awards that, YES, it’s true! He can still cram TWO GOOD SIZE gerbils into his habutt-trail! You know he’s GOT to be proud!!

DISCLAIMER: THIS BLOG CONTENT IS USED SOLELY FOR HUMOROUS PURPOSES. (COME ON, NOBODY REALLY KNOWS FOR SURE IF RICHARD STILL HAS THE ABILITY TO CRAM EVEN ONE GERBIL UP INTO THAT WRINKLED OLD HERSHEY HIGHWAY)

This Blog, with it’s endless stories, droning commentaries and observations, is not solely about the plight of the gerbils, although they will rear their tiny heads in my posts now and then. Ever since The RG debacle over a decade ago, my soul still weeps for the echo of their cries and I CAN NOT/WILL NOT forget their tiny, impassioned pleas for justice and freedom. Ending up stuck in the putrid asshole of a washed up, narcisstic movie star was NOT this particular gerbil’s fault. Nor was it the fault of the thousands of tiny rodent offspring whose unsung destinies were CUT SHORT by the cold, jaded, predatory gerbilfiles who happily followed suit, just drooling in anticiaption of a NEW high. PERVERTS!!

The title of my blog – ” EVERYTHING BUT THE FUR – The Voice of the Stupidly Imprisoned” is dedicated not only to the brave little gerbil, clawing his way blindly out of a blackened, filthy cave, straining towards the LIGHT, but also to all those of US who have ever been imprisoned in the smelly asshole of a sticky situation that we brought on ourselves. Dedicated to those who have survived heroically the capture and torture of their own idiocracy, and still emerged VICTORIOUS to POP FREE of one set of consequences in order to get on to the next retarded scenario.

I know I have been that gerbil many times, often daily ; finding myself OH GOD, in yet another suffocating odiferous hole of my dumb decisions. But, thanks to the superpower abilities of dumb luck, the art of lying OR twisting the truth, mixed in with the elusive lady luck of enough funds to suddenly, POOF, move away, I have so far been able to PUSH my way out of the sweltering holes of my consequences and BLAST back out into the sweet sweet fresh air, promising NEVER to be so dumb again. Until the next day.

What about you? What stupid shit have you done to get yourself caught like a panicked rodent in the sphpincter of life? Please feel free to unburden yourself by telling YOUR story publicly. When did you became the gerbil of a suffocating situation. We NEED to hear the survival stories of the Gerbils we all become at time. Feel free to post your humiliations RIGHT here, in the comment section (if I pieced it together right). Embarrassing pictures welcomed and encouraged.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Surveygirl46
    Apr 14, 2009 @ 07:08:00

    I think that was the BEST blog I have EVERY read and….

    SORRY, ONE OF THE VOICES THOUGHT THEY’D TRY TO HELP ME OUT….PLEASE DISREGARD THIS COMMENT. SINCERELY, ANDITSGONE46

    Reply

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